| Here we have a man
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| Who’s chosen to Instagram
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| His apple pie, a la mode.
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| While he fumbles through the filters
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| His ice cream has gotten «a la hot»
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| And the pie «a la cold.»
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| As you can see
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| This street performer’s drawn a crowd
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| To watch him do his thing.
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| But instead of just enjoying the show
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| it seems that everyone’s decided
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| To make a documentary.
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| Notice this unreasonably attractive couple
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| Enjoying a reasonably priced Italian dinner together.
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| Social networking instead of working
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| On getting to know each other better
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| How does that filtered picture taste
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| Since your dessert has gone to waste?
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| When do you think you ever will
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| Wanna watch this portrait juggling film?
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| You know you want to touch each other
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| Does that feel good?
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| He’s my brother.
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| Get off the phone now!
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| It’s gonna be okay
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| There’s no need to be afraid.
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| It doesn’t love you
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| Its gonna die one day.
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| The government is probably
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| Spying on you with it anyway.
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| Here we have a stereotypical teen
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| Forced to endure «Family Game Night.»
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| He’s stereotypically texting
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| And missing his mom
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| Demonstrate a carousel ride.
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| Little Ethan here
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| Is celebrating being the center of the universe
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| For one year.
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| But «The World’s Greatest Dad»
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| Is more worried about 'Facebooking' it Than actually being here.
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| Let’s listen in and see if we can get some context.
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| «Please hurry! |
| We’re at 382 Pine.»
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| He has the nerve to make a phone call
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| At such a pivotal moment in his friend’s life.
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| How could you be so disengaged?
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| While precious memories are being made?
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| Do you really think your friends need
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| Another baby picture in their feed?
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| Don’t be such a self- centered guy.
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| Now isn’t that better?
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| «I think he just died.»
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| Get off the phone now!
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| It’s gonna be okay.
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| There’s no need to be afraid.
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| (Get off the phone now!) It doesn’t love you
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| It’s gonna die one day.
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| It’s crawling with e-coli bacteria anyway.
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| (Get off the phone now!) It’s gonna be okay. |