Song information On this page you can read the lyrics of the song Epic Rap Battle of Manliness , by - Rhett and Link. Release date: 10.09.2012
Song language: English
Epic Rap Battle of Manliness |
| I was born with hair on my chest |
| A gleam in my eye to latch onto a breast |
| I cut my own umbilical cord with my razor-sharp teeth |
| Then I drove home and my mom rode on in the back seat |
| I didn’t go through puberty, puberty went through me |
| And it was never even awkward 'cause I made it happen instantly |
| If you addressed a letter to 'Man' and put it in the mail |
| Rest assured I’d receive it but I ain’t gonna be your pen pal |
| My time is too valuable for that |
| I’ll be too busy working a jackhammer |
| You’re a momma’s boy |
| I was born in an Arctic cave |
| And adopted by wolves, that’s how I was raised |
| I didn’t drink milk, I suckled the fangs of venomous snakes |
| I killed the first man that I met with just my firm hand shake |
| I potty trained myself, you’re still bed wetting |
| I smell like charcoal when I’m sweating and was the best man at my own wedding |
| Search Google Images for masculinity |
| Feel free to photoshop your face on that image of me |
| Creative Commons, punk |
| Meanwhile I’ll be adjusting some really large nuts |
| I rise before the sun, screw circadian rhythm |
| I bathe with sandpaper and my underwear is denim |
| I shave with a box cutter, blindfolded as well |
| 'Cause if I look in the mirror I intimidate myself |
| I got no need for sleep, I never shut my eyes |
| I tie fishing lures while I memorize Apache war cries |
| The sun comes up when I tell it I’m ready |
| Then I trim my nose hairs with a razor-sharp machete |
| I’m manly 'cause I’m so handy, even my feet are hands |
| I built a hobbit house for a homeless man without using any plans |
| My kids' jungle gym has a full-size trapeze |
| And I modified my garden hose to dispense nacho cheese |
| I’m handy, too, I rerouted my bathroom exhaust fan into your bedroom |
| My right incisor’s a Phillips head screwdriver |
| I made my sun deck into a holodeck where I hang out with MacGyver |
| My GPS gets its sense of direction from me |
| I can drive ten hours without stopping to take a leak |
| I don’t avert my eyes when I pass roadkill |
| And I teach an online course in parallel parking skills |
| When my car breaks down I don’t call a mechanic |
| I just open the hood and then I stare at it |
| And then I call a mechanic but I won’t be cheated |
| He’s not gonna talk me into repairs that I didn’t know that I needed |
| I can sleep alone in the woods without a tent |
| I might get a little scared but then I get over it |
| I tie knots that Eagle Scouts haven’t even heard of |
| Like the double overhead figure-eight fisherman’s bird glove |
| Well, I got the know-how to properly grill every part of a cow |
| And when I taste a veggie patty I just spit it out |
| I break your face with a plate if you want it well done |
| And your wife is always asking me to toast her buns |
| -Er, fellas? |
| Everything alright here? |
| -Er, yeah! |
| He was just cleaning something off my shirt |
| -Yup, got it |
| -Okey dokey. |
| You guys have a great day! |
| I’m too much man for a manicure |
| I don’t even have cuticles |
| For the sake of convenience I keep a urinal in my cubicle |
| I can barefoot ski |
| I can smell the fear of bees |
| I threw up in my mouth the one time that I watched Glee |
| I am my own boss |
| My middle name is Hoss |
| I don’t even know what it feels like to sit with my legs crossed |
| I’ve never been shopping |
| I don’t remove pizza toppings |
| I can tell the age of a mountain goat just by sniffing its droppings |
| You sniff mountain goat droppings? |
| Well… |
| Honey, somebody did a stinky, it’s got your name on it |
| Babe, the Real Housewives marathon’s about to start |
| And you’d promised you’d make your vegan ooey gooey bars |