| On jlleen ilta lauantain.
| It's Saturday night again.
|
| Mua kutsuu nojatuoli.
| An armchair is calling me.
|
| Voileip, keskikaljaa vain
| Sandwich, just average
|
| nyt mss paksusuoli.
| now mss colon.
|
| M koneen auki hipaisen
| M opened the machine and felt it
|
| ja kytken pni nollaan.
| and I connect pni to zero.
|
| M tuskin vessaan kipaisen
| M can barely go to the bathroom
|
| ennen kuin yss ollaan.
| before yss is.
|
| M vahtaan joka nytksen
| I wax every now and then
|
| ja kaikki kuulutukset.
| and all announcements.
|
| M opin tmn kytksen
| I learned this trick
|
| kun suljin koulun ukset.
| when I closed the school doors.
|
| Kun kumpaiseenkin kanavaan
| When to both channels
|
| m sekoon, tiedn senkin:
| m mixed up, i know that too:
|
| se Herran pyh sana vaan
| it is the holy word of the Lord
|
| on neukun taikka jenkin.
| is neukun or yankee.
|
| M olen vapaa huolistain!
| I am free to worry!
|
| M nautin Dolce Vitaa!
| I enjoy Dolce Vita!
|
| Kun telkka el puolestain
| When the TV is half way
|
| en itse mistn piittaa!
| I don't care!
|
| Jos uutiset vois nauhoittaa
| If the news could be recorded
|
| ja kattoo uusintoina,
| and roofs as renewals,
|
| se sielunkin vois rauhoittaa
| it can calm my soul too
|
| niin kuin se muukin roina
| as well as that other scumbag
|
| TV-nytt…
| TV now…
|
| Turun tuomiokirkosta pakeni viime yn kaksi vaarallista vankia. | Two dangerous prisoners recently escaped from Turku Cathedral. |
| Jo kaksituhatta
| Already two thousand
|
| vuotta elinkautistaan krsineet Jumala ja Johannes Rakastaja olivat vankeuden
| God and John the Lover, who were serving a year of their life sentence, were in prison
|
| aikana laihduttaneet itsen niin, ett pako sakastin oveen sahatusta aukosta
| during that time I lost weight so that I could escape through the sawn hole in the door
|
| onnistui. | succeeded. |
| Sakastista lytyi hyllyllinen pahoin runneltua teologista
| Sakast turned out to be a badly battered theologian
|
| kirjallisuutta ja laatikollinen symtt jtetyit nkyleipi. | literature and a boxed symtt left bread. |
| Vankien jljityst
| Follow up of prisoners
|
| haittaa se, ettei kummastakaan ole olemassa autenttista, virallista valokuvaa.
| the disadvantage is that there is no authentic, official photo of either of them.
|
| Turun hiippakunnan tiedotuspllikk ilmoittaa, ett trkeimpiin risteyksiin on
| The information director of the Diocese of Turku announces that the most important intersections are
|
| asetettu piispa- ja rovastipartioita. | set bishop and bishop patrols. |
| Etsinniss avustaa mys suuri joukko
| A large number of people are also assisting in the search
|
| vapaaehtoisia maallikkosaarnaajia. | volunteer lay preachers. |
| Molempia vankeja pidetn erittin vaarallisina.
| Both prisoners are considered extremely dangerous.
|
| krhm … anteeksi …
| hmmm...sorry...
|
| skettin edesmennyt maapallo on ptetty haudata valtioiden kustannuksella.
| the late globe of the skit has had to be buried at the expense of the states.
|
| Tten halutaan osoittaa vainajalle kunnioitusta niist monista palveluksista
| We want to show respect to the deceased for his many services
|
| joita se on valtioille tarjonnut. | which it has provided to the states. |
| Kytnnn jrjestelyt on uskottu Kurt Waldheimin
| Kurt Waldheim has been entrusted with the arrangements for the launch
|
| luotettavan hautaustoimiston huoleksi. | to a reliable funeral home. |
| Kyseisell toimistolla on runsaasti
| The office in question has plenty
|
| kokemusta vastaavanlaisista, joskin huomattavasti pienemmist tilaisuuksista.
| experience in similar, albeit significantly smaller events.
|
| Valtio on huolestunut byrokratian voimakkaasta kasvusta. | The state is worried about the strong growth of bureaucracy. |
| Tilannetta pohtimaan
| To think about the situation
|
| on asetettu komitea.
| has been appointed a committee.
|
| Kirjailija Uolevi Hius on kieltytynyt ottamasta vastaan hnelle mynnetty Pro
| Writer Uolevi Hius has refused to accept the Pro given to him
|
| Patria -mitalia. | Patria medal. |
| Perusteluissaan… anteeksi… perusteluissaan kirjailija Hius
| In his reasons... excuse me... in his reasons, author Hius
|
| mainitsee mm. | mentions e.g. |
| ett hnen puolestaan lautakunta voi tynt mitalit perseeseens.
| that on his part the board can shove the medals up his ass.
|
| Suomen Mitalienvastustamisyhdistys Ry on tst hyvst pttnyt mynt kirjailija
| Suomen Mitalienvastantamishydistys Ry is a well-known Mynt author
|
| Hiukselle Mitalienvastustamisyhdistyksen kunniamitalin.
| For Hius, the medal of honor of the Medal Resistance Association.
|
| Eduskunnan lhetyst on tnn palannut Kauko-Itn suuntautuneelta matkaltaan.
| The Parliament's envoy has just returned from his trip to the Far East.
|
| Lentoasemalla seurueen johtaja Hemmo Paskiainen ei viel suostunut kertomaan
| At the airport, the leader of the group, Hemmo Paskiainen, still did not agree to tell
|
| miksi.
| why.
|
| Ei mikn meit liikuta,
| No matter what moves us,
|
| ei heikoltakaan jlt.
| not at all weak jlt.
|
| Ei kyden pss kiikuta,
| Can't pss freak out,
|
| kun pois me ollaan tlt
| when away we are tlt
|
| Kun Pasilassa hakataan,
| When there is a beating in Pasila,
|
| niin meininki on raju.
| so the mood is fierce.
|
| Kun Reetu laulaa Takataan,
| When Reetu sings Takataa,
|
| niin meilt menee taju.
| so we lose consciousness.
|
| Jos vahingossa telkkariin
| If by accident to the TV
|
| ps Hassinen tai Pelle
| ps Hassinen or Pelle
|
| M riehun:"Menkt helkkariin!
| M roars: "Let's go to hell!
|
| Ne haisee huomiselle!"
| They smell for tomorrow!”
|
| Vaan viimein esteet raivataan,
| But finally the obstacles are cleared,
|
| ja Arvonta voi alkaa.
| and the Raffle can begin.
|
| Me sit kovin kaivataan
| We really need you
|
| kuin pallo kaipaa jalkaa…
| like a ball misses a leg...
|
| Hyv iltaa! | Good evening! |
| Viime kierroksella tysosuma sattui Jyvskyln. | In the last round, Jyvskyl was defeated. |
| Siunaamme voittajaa.
| We bless the winner.
|
| Rauha hnen sielulleen! | Peace to his soul! |
| Muut voitot jakautuivat tasaisesti ympri maan.
| Other profits were evenly distributed around the country.
|
| Voittajia pyydetn kohtelemaan ymmrtmyksell.
| Please treat the winners with understanding.
|
| Ja Arvonta kierroksella 32 alkaa. | And Draw in round 32 starts. |
| Arvomme ensin kahdeksan lobotomialeikkaukseen
| First we draw eight for lobotomy surgery
|
| joutuvaa. | has to. |
| Meill on tss Kansanelkelaitoksen kortistot sijoitettuna ikn kuin
| We have tss Kansanelkelaitot's cards placed as if
|
| numeroiksi. | into numbers. |
| Mikroprosessoritekniikalla ja Tampereen Yliopiston tietokonetta
| With microprocessor technology and a computer from the University of Tampere
|
| hyvksi kytten ympyrn kehlle on saatu mahtumaan koko Suomen kansa…
| the entire Finnish nation has been able to fit in the circle of the fire...
|
| tai lhestulkoon. | or let it come. |
| Tilanahtauden vuoksi joitakin mynnytyksi on jouduttu tekemn.
| Due to space constraints, some have had to be sold.
|
| Puoluejohtajat, suurteollisuuden nokkamiehet ja laitosten sikariporras on
| The party leaders, big industry leaders and the cigar ladder of the institutions is
|
| ollut pakko jtt arvonnasta pois. | had to withdraw from the draw. |
| He siis eivt voi voittaa. | So they can't win. |
| Ja nist snnist viel
| And so on
|
| sen verran, ett tn lauantaina arvottavat kahdeksan lobotomialeikkausta on
| so much so that there are eight lobotomy operations that will be drawn on Saturday
|
| lunastettava eli saatettava toimeen viimeistn torstaiaamuun menness ensi
| to be redeemed, i.e. to be completed no later than Thursday morning last year
|
| viikolla Leikkaus Oy: n toimipisteiss…
| week at Leikkaus Oy's offices...
|
| — leikkaus on joka viikko —
| — surgery is every week —
|
| … ja tmn viikon lobotomiavoittajat ovat: Peltonen Kari, Tervaharju Hannu,
| ... and this week's lobotomy winners are: Peltonen Kari, Tervaharju Hannu,
|
| Yliaho Jari, Loueranta Ilkka, Pekkonen Eero, Leskinen Juhani, Toppari Timo ja
| Yliaho Jari, Loueranta Ilkka, Pekkonen Eero, Leskinen Juhani, Toppari Timo and
|
| Tappola Matti.
| Killing Matti.
|
| Kahdeksan lobotomiaa on nyt arvottu ja jnnitys tiivistyy. | Eight lobotomies have now been drawn and the excitement is intensifying. |
| Kuka on se onnellinen
| Who is the lucky one?
|
| joka saa edist kansakuntansa hyvinvointia luopumalla hengestn. | who furthers the well-being of his nation by giving up his life. |
| Nythn siis on
| Now it is
|
| pyritty siihen ett yksi tekee nelj miljoonaa onnelliseksi. | the aim was that one person makes four million happy. |
| Toisin oli entisess
| It was different in the past
|
| lottodemokratiassa jossa nelj miljoonaa teki yhden onnelliseksi.
| in a lottery democracy where four million made one happy.
|
| … kuula pyrii, kohta se pyshtyy …
| ... the ball moves, then it stops ...
|
| Mainitsen viel, ett tm voittajan kuoliaaksinuijinta tapahtuu joka keskiviikko
| I would also like to mention that this winner's deathmatch takes place every Wednesday
|
| eduskuntatalon portailla arvovaltaisen kutsuvierasjoukon lsnollessa.
| on the steps of the parliament building, surrounded by a group of prestigious invited guests.
|
| — kalautuspiv keskiviikko —
| — fishing day Wednesday —
|
| …sill lailla. | ...like that. |
| Ja onnellinen voittaja tll viikolla on kuopiolainen.
| And the lucky winner last week is from Kuopio.
|
| Lienee kohtuullista ett pidmme kaikkia kuopiolaisia jnnityksess emmek kerro,
| It's probably reasonable that we keep all the people of Kuopio in a state of excitement if we don't tell,
|
| kuka heist on se onnellinen, jonka virkavalta ensi tiistai-iltana tulee
| who Heist is the lucky one whose tenure next Tuesday night will be
|
| saattamaan yjunaan.
| to accompany his yjuna.
|
| Hyv yt. | Well done. |
| Nukkukaa hyvin.
| Sleep well.
|
| Ja siemaus viihdekupista
| And sip from the entertainment cup
|
| nyt saadaan rajatusta.
| now we get a delimitation.
|
| Ei en lydy nupista
| No, I don't touch the knob
|
| yhtkn ajatusta.
| common thought.
|
| Voi viihde viihde taivainen!
| Oh entertainment entertainment heavenly!
|
| Suot onnen lauantaisin!
| Good luck on Saturdays!
|
| Voi mua mato vaivainen
| Oh, I'm sick of worms
|
| jos kirota sut taisin… | if I curse you... |