Lyrics The Phonecall - Jon LaJoie

The Phonecall

Hello
B: Hello, Jake
Uh, hi there Bob.
How is it going?
Well, I’m just fun-f*cking-tastic, Jake.
How are you?
Oh, you know.
Can’t complain.
That’s just f*cking great.
Hey.
I just spoke with my neighbour who lives across
the street, and he told me that you came by my house
today.
While I was at work.
Oh, uh.
Yeah, yeah, I just popped in there for a few minutes.
A few minutes?
My neighbour says it was more like
three hours.
So what could’ve you been possible doing
alone in my house, with my wife, for three hours?
Oh, no, no, no.
Look I-
'Cause you see, a guy like me can get suspicious.
Listen, uh.
I can explain everything.
I, I-
Oh, I want you to explain.
It’s not what you think, um.
Well, please, enlighten me Jake,
'cause I’m really f*cking curious to know what you were doing.
Look, it’s nothing.
It’s stupid, really.
I, I went over to your
house, around one o’clock (huh), and I f*cked your wife
and then I left.
Really…
Really, I swear.
I went over, I f*cked her for a while, and
after we both came, I just went home.
Is my name Forest Gump, Jake?
Um, what?
Answer the f*cking question!
Is my name Forest Gump?!
Oh, well, no.
So why are you treating me like I’m a f*cking
retard.
You expect me to believe that you were in my
house for three hours and all you did was f*ck my wife?!
I came over, she, she blew me there for a while
(aha) I came, so we had to wait for a while.
Then we had sex in the kitchen,
for a while, then we had sex in the living room…
You’re f*cking lying to me,
and I really don’t like it Jake.
You were in my house for three hours!
No, no.
It’s not like that.
You see, we had sex a few times,
and then she wanted more.
She said she was really wet
and feeling dirty and she wants more than one cock
inside of her (Hmm).
So we called your brother
to see if he wanted to come over and get in on the
action, and, and he said 'Yes!
', so we waited around for about an hour.
That’s, that’s why it took so long.
Hmm.
My brother?
(Uhm)
You and my brother double-teamed my wife?
Oh, yeah, yeah.
We gave it to her boy.
In every hole.
Aha.
See, that’s funny.
'Cause my brother’s in Miami this week.
I find it hard to believe that my brother flew all
the way to Miami here, to double-team my wife with you.
Oh, well, uhh…
And you know what the funny thing is?
The faucet in my kitchen has been leaking for three
months now.
And suddenly today, of all days, it decided to stop leaking.
Uh, oh, oh.
I’m gonna give you one last chance to answer this
question.
And if you lie, I guarantee you,
you’re gonna regret it.
What where you doing in my house today?!
I’m, I’m sorry.
Your wife called me, and I didn’t, I didn’t.
Answer the f*cking question!
Your wife wanted me to fix the faucet,
'cause she couldn’t stand the dripping noise anymore.
I didn’t want to do it, but she begged me!
And what did you do?!
I fixed it.
I fixed the facet.
I’m sorry!
You motherf*cking, cocksucking piece of sh*t,
you f*cking fix my facet, you backstabbing f*ck!
, I’m gonna fix your face, you hear me?!
(crying) I-
I’m gonna fix your f*cking-