| First on our famous tour, this broken board we’re driving toward
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| I swore this paint had dried…
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| Feel free to see our sewer! |
| Its flimsy grate can’t hold much weight
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| But keeps the eels inside!
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| Don’t let this wet and slimy net
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| Of cobweb attach onto your face!
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| Beware! |
| These stairs are terribly tilted
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| And built in the wrong place!
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| Stay close and watch your feet, cause something might attempt to bite them off!
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| It’s awfully rare…
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| Try not to breathe too deep, cause something stinky, black and inky’s fogging
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| up the air!
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| Our old commode’s known to explode!
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| I think all the sinks are prone to leak…
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| And so, you know our CEO was murdered here last week!
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| Look to the left and see the broken beam our legal team demands be banned from
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| view!
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| Steer clear of loose debris! |
| The wood’s so old it’s mostly mould
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| I’m told it holds like new!
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| Don’t sweat the threat of traps we’ve set
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| For man-eating vermin in our halls!
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| Excuse the ooze that’s fused to the rafters
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| And plastered to the walls!
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| Be careful as you pass this mound of broken glass!
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| Don’t meddle with this pedal, it’ll expel toxic gas!
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| I’m legally required to warn you that this wire
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| Can hold 3,000 volts and light your private parts on fire!
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| I’m sure you’re all aware, don’t stick your face in there!
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| The ratchet may just catch it and then tear out all your hair!
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| That’s why we had you sign this line here to decline
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| All rights to lidication and/or damages and fines!
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| This here’s the lost and found, where golves and hats and giant bats are kept
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| Except the bats…
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| Don’t mind the grinding sound. |
| The soup cans crashed our trash compactor and
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| it’s jammed with rats!
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| Ignore this poorly programmed door, the gift shop awaits us just inside!
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| I’ll admit a bit of doubt that we’d make it
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| Cause every group I’ve had…
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| Has died! |