| Enis:
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| Chapter 54, page 105
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| Create a hellhound antidote and keep your victim alive
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| It says to cover one eyeball, and the other one, too
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| Dodger:
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| What for?
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| Enis:
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| That’s what the book says to do!
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| We’ll need a pile of raisins and a magical word
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| I like to use the term, 'linguine!' |
| 'cause it’s pretty absurd
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| And once we’ve found ourselves some raisins, pour them into a shoe
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| Then flick your ear; |
| that’s what the book said to do
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| We have to iron a cactus, stick a bee in your nose
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| And then we’ll eat a plate of flapjacks, draw some faces on toes
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| We’ll all hold hands until they’re sweaty, we’ll pretend we can fly
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| And if we don’t…we'll die!
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| …I made that part up
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| Here, hold this!
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| Now you take a creepy baby doll and shake it all around
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| Then you shriek like a weasel while you flail on the ground
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| And once you’ve done that for two hours, throw that baby down the stairs
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| Then we’ll hit each other with metal chairs
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| Dodger:
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| I’m having second guesses 'bout this spellcasting stuff
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| Mark:
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| Okay, I found a couple tutus--
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| Enis:
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| That’s not nearly enough!
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| Next we’ll scatter someone’s ashes as we throw a parade
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| And then we’ll sit and have a séance while we’re playing Old Maid
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| Wear a big hat! |
| Drink from this jar!
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| Mark, Dodger:
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| None of this song makes sense so far…
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| Enis:
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| I hope I have some chickens left!
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| Mark:
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| I dunno what he’s up to, but it’s certainly weird
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| Dodger:
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| He keeps asking for toenails--
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| Mark:
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| --And a leprechaun beard!
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| Dodger:
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| I don’t think we should trust him, he’s completely insane
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| Mark:
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| And all the nonsense we’re doing seems expressly inane!
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| Dodger:
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| Oh, we should totally kill him!
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| Mark:
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| Yeah, it seems like you’re right
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| Dodger:
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| I mean, he looks pretty puny
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| Mark:
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| Won’t be much of a fight
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| Dodger:
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| We can sneak up behind him--
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| Mark:
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| --Drive a stake through his heart!
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| Dodger:
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| Do your worst!
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| Mark:
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| Ladies first!
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| Mark, Dodger:
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| If you won’t impale him, then Enis will start a new verse!
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| Enis:
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| We gotta whittle a pickle, eat some parmesan cheese
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| And then we’ll all watch a movie (Oh no, not the bees!)
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| And next we take out the garbage, summon hellbeasts from space
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| And then when the portal closes, pull his sleeve up to expose his wounded arm
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| And kiss your friend’s dead face!
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| Enis:
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| Let’s expel our spacebound hellbeasts, then we’ll take out the trash
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| We’ll watch a flick and eat some cheese and cut a pickle and dash
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| Inside to play kazoo and wear a hat, use metal chairs like baseball bats
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| And flail and fly and paint all your toes
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| We’ll eat some flapjacks and stick bees in your no-- uh, nevermind
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| We’ll grab a shoe to fill with snacks and flick your ear with sneak attacks and
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| scream «linguine!» |
| to the max
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| So here it goes! |