Lyrics My Sperm Is Healthy - Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Cast, Pete Gardner

My Sperm Is Healthy

My sperm is nice and healthy
In terms of sperm, I’m wealthy
I’m like Warren Buffett
I got so much of it
That’s what my doctors tell me
My point is in a nutshell
Each time I bust, I bust well
I got the quantity
And the quality
No IUD is stoppin' me
'Cause my semen’s steamin' like a demon
And all the surrogates be screamin'
Just give me some of that
Premium-grade baby batter
I never splatter
My sperm, my sperm
Is no cause for concern
My sperm is healthy!
My sperm is healthy!
Aw shucks!
Gee whiz!
I got the best sperm in the biz
My sperm is healthy!
My sperm is healthy!
My sperm is healthy
Even though I’m no teenager
My boys still throw a rager
They get bottle service
In every cervix
Blowin' eggs up like a pager
Every lady’s gettin' fertilized
Got a diaphragm?
It’s gettin' pulverized
My sperm shines brighter than the sun
So wear special glasses or avert your eyes
Give thanks my tank’s not shootin' blanks
I’m in a league of my own, just like Tom Hanks
Not a castaway
But I blast away
That thing I do
Is inseminate you
With my sperm, my sperm
The tests have all confirmed
His sperm is healthy!
His sperm is healthy!
Aw shucks!
Gee whiz!
My sperm just aced the quiz
My sperm is healthy!
My sperm is healthy!
My sperm is healthy