| Girl, I know things haven’t always been so easy for you
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| Kids were mean, and your daddy walked right out the door too
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| Maybe we should have a session, address your anxiety and depression
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| 'Cause I got a funny feeling if we do—
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| Baby, you can kiss all your childhood traumas goodbye
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| You’re never gonna miss all that stress you’ve been keeping inside
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| All your psychological problems
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| Girl, we’re gonna solve them
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| ‘Cause we’re not just a boy band made up of four Joshes
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| We’re also a team of licensed mental health professionals
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| We’ll help you understand the reason that your mom made you sad
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| And why every man you date is just
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| A stand-in for your dad
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| You’ll stop revisiting your fears
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| Once we wipe away your tears
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| Trust us, girl, your prognosis isn’t bad
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| Baby, you can kiss all your unexplained symptoms goodbye
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| You’re never gonna miss all those nightmares in which you tend to die
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| We’ll get you through those developmental stages
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| That you’ve been stuck in for ages
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| ‘Cause we’re not just a boy band made up of four Joshes
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| We’re also a team of nationally-recognized mental health professionals trained
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| in cognitive behavioral therapy with specialities in—
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| Personality and sleep disorders…
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| And love |