| Thank you so much, I think that I probably should’ve, uh, ended it on a higher
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| note
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| A big ending or whatever, but, uh… it's been «what.», I hope you enjoyed it-
|
| Bo, oh my god
|
| How are you? |
| I haven’t seen you since, like, Freshman year, oh my God!
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| You were so, like, skinny and weird back then, um…
|
| But now you’re, um…
|
| Anyway, um, you should totally come to this party I’m having tonight with a
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| bunch of my college friends
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| Um, it’s gonna be off the chain-hook, it’s gonna be so good
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| You can play some songs for us or something
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| Um, I’ve been telling everybody how good of friends we were, um, back in the day
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| Um, I know we never talked or hung out ever, but um…
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| I think that’s what made our friendship so special, and, um…
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| Anyway, text me! |
| Okay, bye
|
| Mister Burnham
|
| How ya doin', good? |
| Good
|
| Uh, I’m a, uh, I’m an agent from out in Los Angeles
|
| Uh, really dig your stuff man, it’s out there, you know, I totally get it
|
| Uh, and the best part about it, man, you’ve got all these young fans, uh, and
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| Which is great, because young people, they’re…
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| They’re very passionate, and they’re very, uh, they’re very reliable consumers
|
| But what you’ve gotta do to take your career to the next level?
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| You’ve gotta cater more heavily to them, alright?
|
| We’ve done studies, young people do not respond to this…
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| You know, «introspective» material, or these «challenges-to-the-form», you know.
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| Young people want jokes they can relate to, okay?
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| So… write a… write a silly song about Facebook, you know?
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| Write some jokes about Twitter, or… or sugary cereals, or… razor scooters
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| Relate to them!
|
| You know, also, you’ve gotta reestablish your presence on the internet, buddy
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| Alright, it’s not important whether your material’s «good» or not
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| What’s important is that you keep the Bo Burnham brand alive and well
|
| Ya get it?
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| But we’ll discuss more later, I know it’s a lot
|
| Uhh, my number is, uh, 310−555-…uhh, *mumbling «imaginary number"*
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| Fag!
|
| What up, dude, what’s up, how are ya man?
|
| You’ve changed, bro. |
| You’ve changed
|
| I never knew you, but, um
|
| My friend’s old roommate’s friend said he knew you in high school and you
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| became a real asshole once all this «comedy» stuff started happening
|
| What, what is it man? |
| You think you’re better than us?
|
| You think you’re better than us just cause you’re tall?
|
| Whoa, congrats man, you’re tall!
|
| Wow, it’s incredible! |
| What, you want a trophy for being tall?
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| You wanna… we should just give trophies to tall things
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| And every tree and building will have a trophy
|
| That make sense?
|
| Yo, why you acting all quiet and weird right now?
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| Yo I know why you are, it’s cause you’re an arrogant prick, that’s why
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| An arrogant fuckin' prick
|
| I once heard that you actually act quiet cause you’re shy and introverted in
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| real life
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| And that people shouldn’t expect you to act the same way offstage as you do
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| onstage *laughs*
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| Yeah… yeah, it makes no sense
|
| Anyway, you wanna buy some weed?
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| Bo, oh my god!
|
| Bo, oh my god!
|
| Bo
|
| Bo
|
| Bo
|
| Bo
|
| Bo, Bo, Bo, Bo
|
| Bo, oh my god!
|
| Mister Burnham
|
| Bo, Bo (Fag!)
|
| Bo, oh my god!
|
| Mister Burnham
|
| Bo, Bo (Fag!)
|
| Bo, oh my god!
|
| Mister Burnham
|
| Bo, Bo (Fag!)
|
| Bo, oh my god!
|
| Mister Burnham
|
| Bo, Bo (Fag!)
|
| Bo, oh my god!
|
| Mister (Fag!)
|
| Mister, Mister (Fag!)
|
| Bo, oh my god!
|
| Mister (Fag!)
|
| Mister, Mister (Fag!)
|
| Bo (Fag!), oh my god! |
| (Fag!)
|
| Mi-mi- (Fag!) mi-mi- (Fag!)
|
| Mister Burnham
|
| Bo (Fag!), oh my god! |
| (Fag)
|
| Mi-mi- (Fag!) mi-mi- (Fag!)
|
| Mi-mi- (Fag!) mi-mi- (Fag!)
|
| Mi-mi- (Fag!) mi-mi- (Fag!)
|
| I am Satan, Lord of Darkness!
|
| Bo (Fag!), oh my god! |
| (Fag!)
|
| Mister Burnham (Fag!)
|
| Bo, Bo (Fag!)
|
| Bo (Fag!), oh my God!
|
| Fag!
|
| Bo (Fag!), oh my god! |
| (Fag!)
|
| Mister Burnham (Fag!)
|
| Bo, Bo (Fag!)
|
| Bo (Fag!), oh my god! |
| (Fag!)
|
| Mister Burnham (Fag!)
|
| Bo, Bo (Fag!)
|
| Uh, uh!
|
| Hey!
|
| Uh, uh!
|
| Hey!
|
| …what the Hell?
|
| Uh, uh!
|
| Hey!
|
| Uh, uh!
|
| Hey!
|
| You’re not gonna hit the girl? |
| That’s sexist!
|
| Fa-fa-f-f-f-f-fa-fag!
|
| Mister, m-m-m-m-mister
|
| Bo-Bo!
|
| We think you’ve changed, bro
|
| We know best
|
| You suck!
|
| We think you’ve changed, bro
|
| We know best
|
| You suck!
|
| We think-
|
| We know-
|
| You-
|
| Mister
|
| Mister
|
| Mister
|
| Mister
|
| Bo, oh my God
|
| Bo, oh my God
|
| Bo, oh my God
|
| Bo, oh my God
|
| Bo, oh my God (fag, fag)
|
| Bo (fag, fag), oh my God (fag, fag)
|
| Bo (fag, fag), oh my God (fag, fag)
|
| Fag (Bo! Bo!)
|
| Fag (Bo! Bo!)
|
| Fag (Bo! Bo!)
|
| Mister Burnham
|
| Thank you, goodnight, thank you, I hope you liked it, thank you
|
| Thank you for being a part of this, thank you |