| My ex-girlfriend, she was a bitch, but you know, they say, like,
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| if you want to know what a girl’s gonna look like, look at her mother
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| You know, so I am so glad I broke up with her
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| 'Cause she would’ve been, you know… dead
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| Guys, I’m a realist
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| Okay? |
| I try not to romanticize reality
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| You know, like when life gives you lemons
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| You probably just found lemons
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| But at the same time, I don’t deny the beauty in the world
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| 'Cause there is so much beauty because life can be so symmetrical that gives
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| birth to this almost silent poetry
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| You know, like a hermaphrodite playing the keytar
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| Or a young Amish boy trying to blow out the light bulbs on his birthday cake
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| Or, or a girl who’s terrible at grammar saying, «Mama, you raise me good,»
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| and then being pushed down a well
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| If I had a dime, oh!
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| If I had a dime for every time a homeless guy asked me for change
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| I’d still say no
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| Here’s some racial humor for you guys
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| White people are like this, «Ah»
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| Black people are like this, «Uh»
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| We’re destined to fight forever
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| Blood in the streets
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| Yo momma’s so fat
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| Yo momma’s so ugly
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| Yo momma’s so stupid
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| Your mother’s breasts sag with such severity that the late, great surrealist
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| artist Salvador Dali mistook them for clocks |