Song information On this page you can read the lyrics of the song Progressive Christmas Carols , by - Jon Cozart. Release date: 16.01.2015
Song language: English
Progressive Christmas Carols |
| We wish you happy holidays |
| Whoever you may be |
| So Merry Christmas, Kwanzaa, Chanukah |
| Or heck, all three |
| We’ve modernized these jingles for the massive bourgeoisie |
| Love, The Updated Christmas Carol Team |
| Oh, you’d better not judge, you’d better not hate |
| You better not bully or discriminate |
| Progressive Santa’s coming to town |
| He’s making a list of gluten-free foods |
| He won’t take a peek at J-Law's nudes |
| Progressive Santa’s coming to town |
| He’s 50 different races |
| And all for tax reform |
| He’ll protect all your children |
| Well, as long as they’ve been born |
| You’d better watch out-- |
| Too far? |
| Okay |
| Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer (reindeer) |
| Had an advantageous nose (he outlived his friends) |
| He passed his bright red traits on (traits on) |
| Darwin said that’s how it goes (evolution's not a theory) |
| Mary did you know |
| That your baby boy |
| Supports the NRA? |
| Mary did you know |
| That your baby boy |
| Is white? |
| Did you know-- |
| Deck the halls with kujichagulia |
| Kwa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wanza |
| Give zawadi, hang benderas |
| Kwa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wanza |
| Throw your hands up in the air-a-- |
| You’re a green one, Mr. Grinch |
| You’re lacking in finesse |
| That greenish epidermis determines your success |
| Mr. Grinch |
| Racist Whos constrain you to the issues they continue to suppress |
| You’re an outlier, Mr. Grinch |
| You give the Whos a fright |
| They say your heart is 3/5ths normal |
| You’re either wrong or white, Mr. Grinch |
| Don’t walk the streets of Whoville |
| You might fight a cop the Whos will not indict |
| I’m dreaming |
| Of a racially ambiguous holiday |
| Away in a manger with Jesus and crew |
| His schmeckle got cut 'cause hey Christ was a Jew |
| O holy night |
| The stars are brightly shining |
| It is the night Jesus did something holy |
| (I don’t know the whole story) |
| Joseph watched golf (right?) |
| His leather chair reclining |
| As Mary birthed a child |
| I think a donkey was involved |
| (Need help here… God?) |
| Three wise men came |
| With GPS they found Him |
| Christ lied in a barn |
| As His omniscient baby daddy tucked Him in |
| Jesus crawled on his knees |
| His mom shared it on Snapchat |
| O bright device |
| O night when Christ celebrated Christmas |