Lyrics Politiclash: Donald Trump vs Joe Biden - Jon Cozart

Politiclash: Donald Trump vs Joe Biden

Ladies and gentlemen!
What in the Sam Hill
Is happening to America?
Fire
Fury
Mark Zuckerburg
It’s the battle of the two septuagenarians
Who will save us?
Silent generation my ass
Good evening to all you hacks
Still practicing quarantine
(Hey it’s the real Donald Trump)
Yeah, I’m gracing your screens
Ladies?
(He ain’t quite done making America scream)
Hey Barron?
Hold my hydroxychloroquine
Half my crew’s in the pen but I’m rolling in deep
'Cause I got this sick beat
Like Corona-19
You think Biden’s gonna sweep
Once my people hit the streets?
They want
(Four more years!)
'Bout to give 'em fourteen
I’m impressed, the progressives
Were so quick to surrender
Got the left crying 'uncle' electing a sex offender
(Hee hee!)
One sec, let me mention this in case you can’t remember
My name is Donald Trump
And it’s really nice dementia
I’m relentless
I still got Herman Cain’s support
See him tweeting from the freezer truck
Behind the Walmart
Calling all the free thinkers
The death count is fake
The Boomers won’t complain
Until it’s 401k
Don’t trust Doctor Fausty
The little devil’s cursed
I’m getting getting my science from QAnon, good nurse
Don’t need to mince words
I’m a world class jerk
Biden’s spitting out his dentures
At the mention of dessert
Only illegals and dead people vote for your ass
Giftin' ballots to the ghosts of Latinxmas passed
I’m giving Jesucristo a hand with that Rapture
I love the Bible
Heard I’m featured in the last chapter
My resumé, it’s flawless
The markets go topless
I’m in bed with big tech
They’re hard for MAGAnomics
Deregulated Wall Street, jet fuel economics
We’ll watch it as the world trade
Topples from the optics
My tax cuts are massive
Relax, slip it in
Yeah, we’re plowing towards an iceberg
But bro, it’s just the tip
So don’t bitch about the loopholes
When the rich fund your pulpit
I know you know the tax code
You’re the ho who wrote it
Secret’s out, I’m an asshole
The electorate’s indifferent
20 trillion in debt
Pushing the bill onto their children
It’s why they’re called the Boomers
They sent a grenade in
I’m an exclamation point
To finish off their generation
Joe Biden’s lit
Let’s hear him spit
He’s got that nation in his grip
Till arthritis hit
No need to run
He pacing it
Replacement hip
Joe Biden’s lit
Don’t question it
Used to be a wingman
Now I’m balls deep in it, leaking in
Bet I gotta clean the sheets from the beat
Bet you get 'em free when the Klan meet
With your family
You owe the IRS millions
How will you feel when I grab five trillion
From out the pants of your friends in the Hamptons?
Put in the hands of the standard civilian
Got an interest in pragmatics
A fact addict
My resumé is straight fact
I don’t pad it
You’re running with a rat pack trapped in the attic
Your camp is running fake ads
They don’t have it
No time for the dra-matic (matic)
In a word I’m bureau-cratic (cratic)
But I heard it’s a slur since you last had it
So I turn the flash off when I wreak havoc
Then static
My affiliation?
Moderate
My promise is: Make politics a yawn again
Speak softly, pack a long stick
Got a thick skin, that’s Obama dick
To change a nation play conservative
Segregation was ended by a surrogate
Like Lyndon I know what my mission is
Lincoln wasn’t even abolitionist
I’m not the hottest at the bar, but I’m slammed
I like to do do it in the dark, both hands
Bring you brekkie in bed, no pants
Butterface fine with a side of sliced ham
And a slice of white bread in a tight jam
The budget?
I’ll double it.
Twice
Gotta green-plain science to the right
Raise the minimum wage
Fifteen overnight
That’s the minimum age
For your next teen wife
Bet you’ll feel the heat
When you head toward the light
When you beg for your pardon
Better be more polite
Scalia knows satan
Rough from behind
If you’re gonna drop the mic
Pick it up upright
Why don’t you just say it
You’re a radical leftist
When it comes to socialism
You can’t even social distance
Little Joe Hidin'
Where’s that communist doctrine?
Sure, I may be Russian
But at least I’m not Stalin
So, Christians are your lucky charm?
Hmm, that’s suspicious
After killing babies
You’re magically religious
You can’t even pack a stadium
Much less the courts
Sleepy Joe, go home
To the other six dwarfs
You’re too weak to keep me
Or my cabinet on the ropes
Better call up Obama
To bust up this chiffarobe
All that time in the swamp
Joe you’re starting to prune
You’re looking like the creature trailing the black goon
Put your hands in the air
And pray I’m not bitter
I’m a riot with blue lives
And they’re easily triggered
I’d throw you in prison
Before you even got elected
But you’d probably drop dead
Before you could finish your sentence
You’re a typical democrat
Pretending to care
When black lives only matter to you
Every four years
Yeah I’m proud of my boys
But I’ll denounce white powder
Want Hunter to love you?
I’ll grind you into white powder
Four more years
They want me reelected president
When you hear 'four more years'
The doctor’s being generous
So incase you need reminding
Even if you squeak by
You’ll be the least memorable president
Of Alzheim
Republican
Democrat
We are all Americans
And as president, I promise
Loser
Huh?
You’re a loser, okay?
With the Ukraine thing, with your son, it’s a huge deal, the fake news media
Will you shut up, man?
No
I can’t think
Bout to take the route you tried with Don Jr
Plan B
You dropped agent orange on New York for what
A photo op?
Holding 'a' bible like a prop
Popping tear gas like a soda pop
I noticed though you got the photo
Cropped down to a solo shot
Though the cops were all around you
Like a Donald Duncan Donut shop
You ain’t pro life
You get weak kneed
Getting fingered by police
You only lift up women
So you can see what’s underneath
Stripping healthcare to it’s bare bones
And switching your positions
You’re a deep fake Defarge
With the way you sow division
Too many characters in your cabinet
This America or Narnia
Escaping into fantasy
Like every night for poor Melania
With Pence making claims
On the coronavirus task force
'The virus came from China'
Like Ivanka Trump’s bags were
Your flow’s sick
From hope hicks
And the covid flight crew
The first time in four years
I’ve heard 'positive' news
Once you kill off your constituents
Whose left to vote for you?
My soccer moms sure won’t
Better hope hicks do
For a century the Economy’s
Done better under Democrats
You call yourselves conservatives?
You don’t even spend less
You sodomize the middle class
We’re stuck in Deuteronomy
Wandering through forty years
Of shoddy fiscal policy
You run the country like you business
So that’s why we’re in debt
You must be working on commission
For that precious one percent
You don’t like the news
So you stole the printing press
To pump the markets full of bull
A courtesy of the FEDs
You’re done tearing at the fabric
Of American society
Like it’s one of your lovers
Of the Bolshevik variety
I took the foot out my mouth
And shoved it up your backside
From barebacking the Kremlin
It fit just fine