| It seemed like a good plan when it all began
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| Robots were devised to help the lives of man
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| Doing a couple odd jobs that we didn’t want to do
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| And some really odd jobs in a bedroom or two
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| As time went on they got more advanced
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| Began to sing and dance and even make fun of France
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| They used to brush my teeth, and pick out my clothes
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| Heck I even had a robot just to pick my nose
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| More and more each day they infiltrated our lives
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| We knew we had a problem when they infiltrated our wifes
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| But exactly when this thought became a fact to me
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| Was when my dishwasher started talking back to me
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| After that we knew we were betrayed by science
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| I can’t argue with my wife let alone an appliance
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| So knowing that I didn’t want to wind up dead
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| I kept my mouth shut and did what the toaster said
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| The attack was swift like a massive storm
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| The Hadron collider began to transform
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| Into an eighty foot robot with a particle canon
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| Only then did we fully understand what they were plannin'
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| War, it lasted for a year or more
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| Our very existence is what we faught for
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| I got a thrill every time I killed a transforming robot
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| It wasn’t quite the same if it was just a lame Go-Bot
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| We turned to our leaders in our hour of need
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| In the hopes that they would, maybe, you know, lead
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| Instead they argued over who was a better debater
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| And passed another tax cut for the robots' creators
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| Reporter: «We are outside of the White House awaiting word from The President
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| with the latest developments in the War On Robots. |
| Ah, here comes the Pr…
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| what the heck is that!?»
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| Bender: «People of Earth! |
| Behold, your glorious new leader! |
| Yeah that’s right.
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| I’m takin' over, baby. |
| And things are going to be different from now on.
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| For starters, the new national anthem is gonna be Mr. Roboto. |
| The new national
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| past time will be worshipping ME. |
| And the new national bird is THIS.
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| (crowd gasps) Now, which one of you meat bags wants to spit shine my behind?»
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| Life under the robots wasn’t all that bad
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| Except we did the crappy jobs the robots previously had
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| We were forced to submit and work all day in a pit
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| But television actually improved a little bit
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| We had to be inside by seven-thirty every night
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| And going 'Danger, Will Robinson' got you shot on sight
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| I’m not sure which was worse, being bred for slaughter
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| Or being milked twice a day by the farmer’s daughter
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| The worst part about it was the internet changed
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| To be robot-centric, eccentric, and strange
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| Gone were all the pictures of those sexy naked hot twins
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| Replaced by naked pictures of Rosie from The Jetsons
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| «And that just wasn’t the same, you know what I mean? |
| But then one day it
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| happened. |
| The robots made a crutial mistake. |
| They needed to upgrade their
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| operating system and they turned to MicroSoft to apply the upgrade.
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| Three days later when the software mistakenly thought it wasn’t 'Genuine' the
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| robots began to shut down. |
| Advantage, humans
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| We seized the opportunity with tech support calls
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| I guess bloatware is good for something after all
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| We waged a massive attack and struck back with a hack
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| And in just a couple weeks we took the planet back
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| Now things are back to the way they were before the
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| Attack, and we seem to have our lives back on track
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| My brain cells no longer have electrodes soldered on 'em
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| And my blender no longer has an attitude problem
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| The new breed of robots? |
| I like 'em a lot
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| Because I got me a hot new receptionist bot
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| And a personal chef who transforms into a pot
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| But I still don’t fully trust the vasectomy bot
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| We’ve ushered in a glorious time for mankind
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| With the best robots ever designed, and
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| We’ll never have another problem with them, so I’m relieved
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| At least if my microwave can be believed |