Lyrics Manlyology - Cast of Galavant

Manlyology

Testosterone
Mmmm, musky
If you want your wife to respect you, you have to earn her respect.
You need to man up
But how?
It just so happens you’re talking to a professor of the art of manhood.
lesson one: Historical background
(sung)
Way back in the ancient ocean
Live a flabby, pitiful thing
It was soft and pale
Neither female or male
Rather like you, my king
This creature was lacking a backbone
It couldn’t stand tall and free
'Til it grew a spine
And a pair like mine
And evolved into well, me
Now frankly, this could take you
A good ten million year
Me, I know a shortcut
May I have some volunteers?
(spoken)
He’s looking at me, isn’t he?
(sung)
Throw back your shoulders
Suck in that gut
Seize the advantage
And kick some butt
Do watcha want
And do it violently
That’sthe secret of manlyology
(spoken)
Any questions?
(spoken)
Will there be a quiz?
(spoken)
No, moving on.
Lesson two: Theory and Application
(sung)
Now, manhood’s pretty simple
It’s a display of relative might
Men give commands and eat with their hands
Leave the toilet seat up?
Damn right
Does a man ever order a spritzer?
No!
Does a man wear sandals with socks?
No?
Does he own a cat?
Yes!
Sure about that?
Um…
Does he think about miniature rocks?
Pass!
Does a man mind blood in his mustache?
What?
Does he care if he smells like arse?
Whose?
Does he pick his nose?
Eww
Bros before hoes?
Duh!
Close enough
You pass
By George, I think I’ve got it!
Well, we’ll get you up to speed
Maybe a private lesson?
Guess I volunteer
No need
Kick into action
And crack that whip
Crush all emotion
And one last tip
Don’t miss your yearly colonoscopy
That’s the secret of manlyology
(spoken)
Oh Gareth!
I can’t thank you enough!
Tomorrow night I shall dine with Madelena.
I will show her all I’ve learned.
Come here, you!
(spoken)
Oi!
I’ve only hugged one man in my life.
It was the day my father died.
I squeezed that rotten bastard to death
(spoken)
Right.
We’ll hug later.
Good talk
(spoken)
Yeah