Lyrics A Letter to Santa - Bob Rivers

A Letter to Santa

Dear Santa Claus
It has been brought to my attention by one of our operatives that you have
secured for yourself, and your interests, a very lucrative position in the toy
and game industry.
Normally, my associates and I would not involve ourselves in
child-exploitation schemes such as yours.
However, it is quite clear to us that
you have over-stepped your bounds and are coming into my family’s territories.
That I cannot let you do
Mr. Claus, we’ve known each other for many years, and we have no problem with
your operations in the North Pole.
But, uh, Consigliere tells me that you have
expanded your deliveries to the entire south side, most of the north side,
and everywhere but the Jewish neighborhoods
I understand, Mr. Kringle, that you and I share many interests.
We both make
lists.
We both know who’s been naughty and who’s been nice.
Have I mentioned,
that, uh, red is also my favorite color?
This year when you make your rounds,
I hope you’ll take time stop by the house for a cup of coffee and some cookies,
so that, uh, we can discuss an offer I know you can’t refuse.
I know how much
you like cookies.
I am sure you will do this thing I ask out of respect,
but I would be remiss if I did not remind you of the tragic demise of our
mutual friend and confidant, Frosty T. Snowman.
I regret that it was necessary
to teach Frosty a lesson
Sincerely, and with warmest wishes for you and the lovely Mrs. Claus
Don
P.S
It would be most unfortunate for you to wake up one morning to find the heads
of eight tiny reindeers in bed with you.
I am sure you are a reasonable man,
and this will not be necessary