| This first song is called a world on fire… |
| Ahh-Ah! this next song is a little bit longer than that one |
| And um… |
| It’s about all the sad stuff I see in the world |
| And I see a lot of sad stuff |
| And it’s called Sad |
| Get on my level Madison |
| Picture a depressed onion cutting itself |
| I met a homeless man named Rich (He wasn’t) |
| Isn’t that terrible? |
| I saw a flyer for a lost dog and the dog didn’t have any legs |
| I saw a diabetic kid trick-or-treating |
| I saw a giraffe who had a short neck |
| That was sad or a… deer |
| I saw an old man get hit by a train |
| He didn’t see it in the pouring rain |
| He didn’t hear me shout, «Look out for the train!» |
| 'Cause I didn’t say anything |
| I just thought to myself, «Oh, this is gonna be sad» |
| And it was, I’m a genius |
| I saw a man with only one eye in a 3D movie |
| I saw a little boy drop his ice cream cone directly on his mother’s corpse |
| I saw a kitten stuck in a tree then the kitten jumped off and he hung itself |
| I saw a boy who had red hair… |
| I went to a store looking for something to buy |
| But they only sold paintings of the same sad guy |
| No, wait! This store sells mirrors |
| See what I did there? |
| Let’s rock |
| No |
| The world’s so sad, Madison |
| Pain, war, genocide, racism, sexism |
| But I gotta remember there are good things about it too |
| Like the fact that none of that’s happening to me, score! |
| Still though it’s hard not to be sad about it |
| How do y’all do it? |
| I’ve been telling you, guys, terribly sad things this whole song |
| You haven’t been sad at all |
| You’ve been. |
| You’ve been happy, no |
| You’ve been laughing |
| That’s it, laughter, it’s the key to everything |
| It’s the way to solve all the sadness in the world |
| I mean, not for the people who are actually sad, but for the people like us |
| that gotta fucking deal with 'em all the time |
| Being a comedian isn’t being an insensitive prick capitalizing on the most |
| animalistic impulses of the public, it’s being a hero! |
| The world isn’t sad. The world’s funny! I get it now! I’m a sociopath! |
| I saw an old man slip and fall. What a fucking idiot |
| I saw a woman at her daughter’s funeral. Ha ha ha! Classic comedy! |
| Everything that once was sad is somehow funny now |
| The Holocaust and 9/11 |
| That shit’s funny 24/7 |
| 'Cause tragedy will be exclusively joked about |
| Because my empathy is bumming me out |
| Goodbye, sadness! Hello, jokes! |