Lyrics New Math - Bo Burnham

New Math

What’s a pirate minus the ship?
Just a creative homeless guy.
And an anteater plus a large hungry mutant ant?
An ironic way to die.
And what’s domain domain range?
A kid with too much in his pants
And two balls, minus one
Six/Seven titles at the Tour de France
Cancer/Gets worse…
Yo, split a decision with long division
Take the circumference of your circumcision.
Live like your data, when you’re all set,
Put it all together, and whatever you get
It’s New Math
It’s New Math
And what’s a bag of chips divided by five?
Well, that’s a Nike worker’s meal.
And Santa Claus multiplied by i
Well, I guess that makes him real.
And the square root of the NBA
Is Africa in a box.
How do you trace a scatter plot?
You give the pencil to Michael J. Fox.
Whatever
Take the approximate moral proportion
Of the probable problem of a pro-life abortion
Live like your data, when you’re all set,
Put it all together, and whatever you get
It’s New, it’s New, it’s New, it’s New, it’s New Math
And if you took a factor tree
Of the factors that caused my girl to leave me
You’d have a tree
Full of Asian porn.
Mathematical minds make industrial smog
What’s the opposite of ln (x)
Duraflame the unnatural log
Support the farmers with a pro-tractor
Link Kennedy and Lincoln with a common factor
Live like your data, and when you’re all set
Put it all together and whatever you get
It’s New, it’s New, it’s New,
All right, word problems, ready?
If there’s a fat guy in a pastry shop
With a $ 20 bill and he’s ready to buy
In order to predict his volume change
You’ll need to know the value of Pi
And there’s a metal train that’s a mile long
And at the very back end a lightning bolt struck her
How long 'til it reaches and kills the driver
Provided that he is a good conductor
And if 10% of men are gay
20% of men are Chinese
What are the odds that a man chosen at random
Spends his free time and mealtime while on his knees?
And if Kim is half as old as Bobby
Who is two years older than 12 year old Tori
For how many more 30 day months
Will their threesomes be considered statutory rape?
'Cause math can be sexy
'Cause having sex is like quadratic expansion,
If it can’t be split then it’s time to stop
And having sex is like doing fractions
It’s improper for the larger one to be on top
Having sex is like math homework
I do it best when I’m alone in my bed
And squaring numbers are just like women
If they’re under 13 just do them in your head.
It’s New Math