| Well, Margaret Thatcher
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| She had very dirty glasses
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| You should have seen how
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| Dirty her glasses were
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| She couldn’t even see the world
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| And little Freddie Hayek
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| He had very dirty glasses
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| Unbelievably dirty glasses
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| And when I went to dinner with Margaret Thatcher and Freddie Hayek
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| At their house, the other week
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| Well I went into the kitchen and I opened up one of the cabinets
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| And I could not believe how dirty her glasses were
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| It was disgusting
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| Well, they say that we might all have dirty glasses
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| Like they said, Trojan horse would be forgotten
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| But we represent a different platform
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| Dispossessed pinko middle classes
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| Who have very dirty glasses
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| And anyone else who has very dirty glasses
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| Y’see, the purpose of this band
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| Is to offer a glasses cleaning service
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| At a very reasonable price
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| So if you have dirty glasses
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| You can bring them to the front
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| And we’ll clean them for you
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| And we’ll do the very best job
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| Y’know, we really do the very best job
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| That we can
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| At this point the audience
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| In this fictional performance
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| Goes home and fetches their glassware
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| And brings it back to the pub
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| And hands their dirty glasses to the band
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| And the band cleans that dirty glasses
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| And then there’s a standing ovation
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| Well, hey!
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| Now finally you can relax in your cool greenhouse
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| Your clean cool green greenhouse
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| As you enjoy your new favourite least favourite band
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| Well, of course, The Cool Greenhouse
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| And you know these days there’s an authentic need
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| For an authentic counterculture
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| But unfortunately, there’s just The Cool Greenhouse
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| With their cool glasses
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| Well poor old dead Fidel
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| Y’know, he had pretty clean glasses at the beginning
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| But even he had pretty dirty glasses
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| Towards the end
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| Which is where we’re at
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| The end |