Lyrics The Way We Talk (Hilarious) - Louis C.K.

The Way We Talk (Hilarious)

You ever listen to people?
When I was in England, I went into this cafe full of Afghani people, and
they’re-they just had crackly energy to their language.
I don’t know What they were saying, But
it was like- There’s energy.
We don’t have that anymore.
You ever listen to people?
You ever
listen to what People really sound like?
The other day I was In some whatever coffee- I don’t
know, You can only be in six places.
Whichever one I was in. And I’m listening to just fat White
people talk to each other.
These two fat white guys Behind me.
One of ’em is like… And his
friend’s like, “I know, it’s… …Obama.
” These two women are talking.
One of them’s like… “I
know, it’s… ” “… Stephanie.
” Anyway, I was listening To the two guys, And one of ’em used a
word That really pissed me off, Because it was how he used it.
He used the word “Hilarious.”
That’s one of those words That we use- That we don’t care What it means.
We go right for the
top shelf With our words now.
We don’t think about How we talk.
We just say the- Right to the
fucking just- “Dude, it was amazing.
It was amazing.
” really?
You were amazed?
You were
amazed by A basket of chicken wings?
Really?
Amazing.
What are you gonna- What are you
gonna do With the rest of your life now?
What if something Really happens to you?
What if
Jesus comes down From the sky And makes love to you All night long, And leaves the new, Living
lord in your belly?
What are you gonna call that?
You used “amazing” On a basket of chicken
wings.
You’ve limited yourself verbally To a shit life.
All these words we use.
“Genius.”
That’s- You
can-anybody Can be a genius now.
It used to be You had to have a thought No one ever had
before, Or you had to invent a number.
Now it’s like, “hey, I got a cup in case we need another cup.”
“Dude, you’re a genius.”
So these guys, They used “hilarious.
” And I remember the context
exactly, Because I had The hate recorder Running in The back of my head.
I was just standing
there Fucking angry.
I’m listening to ’em.
One guy says to the other guy, He goes, uh, “Hey, dude,
so, uh… So guess who I saw today.
” And his friend goes, “Who?”
I swear to God That’s how he
said it.
It just slid out.
Just “who?”
I was like, “Tighten your lips up, man.
Make an effort.
”
“Who.”
That’s how a person talks.
This guy, He’s just secreting words out of the front of his head.
“Who?”
So his friend goes, “I saw Lisa today.”
And he goes, “That’s hilarious.”
How the fuck is
that hilarious?
That you saw Lisa.
Is Lisa a poodle on her hind legs?
How is that hilarious?
Was
she standing next to Jerry Lewis when he was younger?
How the fuck is that hilarious?
Do you
know what “hilarious” means?
“Hilarious” means so funny That you almost went insane When
you heard that sh- It’s just so funny That it almost ruined your life.
You’re homeless now because
You can’t cope or reason anymore because that hilarious thing just shattered your mind, And
three months later you got shit and leaves in your hair, and you’re drenched in pee in the gutter.
That’s how funny “Hilarious” is.
I don’t know This Lisa cunt, But she ain’t that funny.
There’s just
no way.
She’s that funny on sight?
Fuck her.
Seriously.
I hope she’s dead.
I really do.
I hate her.
I
hope she died today.
Weirdly and horribly.
I hope the person She loved most Pushed her off a
cliff, And she was just falling and Screaming the whole way down, Never accepting it.
And then
Superman swooped her up And then dropped her from higher.
I seriously hope that happened…
to stupid Lisa.
With her one tit bigger than the other, and her fucking frizzy hair, and her… Her
big nose.
Fucking Jew.
What am I doing?
I’ve lost my mind.
“Jew” is a funny word, Because- It is.
Because “Jew” is the only word That is the polite thing to
call a group of people And the slur for the same group.
Most groups have a good and a bad-
Theirs, the same word, Just with a little stank on it, And it becomes a terrible thing to call a
person.
‘Cause you can say.
“He’s a Jew.”
It’s fine.
but “he’s a Jew.”
Like, that’s all it takes.
I wish
the president would slip one into a speech That’s just on the border, Just to fuck With people’s
heads.
Just in the middle, You know.
“We all got to get along In this country.
“We need
everybody.
“blacks and whites And Christians and Jews, And let’s just try to…” Hmm.
I don’t…
Can’t call him on it, But that seemed inappropriate.
Fucking Lisa.
Fucking Lisa, man.
It’s just- It didn’t deserve that.
The story didn’t deserve- Here’s
what he should have said.
This is what That story deserved.
It should have been like, “I saw Lisa
today.
” The other guy should have said, “That happened.
” That’s it.
That’s all it deserved.
He
should have said, “That happened,” And then they just should have started making out.
I don’t
know why I wanted that.
I just wanted these Two old fat guys To just start blowing Each other on
the floor.
Not even gay blowing.
Just awkward, heterosexual sucking, That they don’t know What
they’re doing.
And they don’t even get hard Partway through.
They’re just sucking Each other’s
soft penises.
And they’re both crying, ‘Cause they’re embarrassed and confused.
Now that
would be hilarious.
Then you would have a story that you could call hilarious without being
accused of hyperbole.
It’s amazing, the stories that people think are interesting.
And that’s always one of ’em, Is when
your friend ran Into somebody from their past, And they can’t Wait to tell you.
And first they want To tell you for 40 minutes How blown away you’re gonna be That they saw this person.
“Dude, you’re not gonna believe Who I saw today.
” Yes, I am.
Course I am.
Don’t even tell me.
I
don’t care.
“No.
No, dude.
“Dude!
“When you find out- Holy shit!
“When you find out who I saw,
“You are gonna shit in your Father’s mouth when I tell you.
“I’m serious!
“When I tell you who I
saw, “You are gonna Kill, fuck, and eat “Four Mexican retarded kids When I tell you who I saw
today.
“I’m s-you’re gonna do that.
“I’m serious That you’re gonna do that.
“You’re not gonna-
“You’re just gonna rip out your asshole “And throw it on the wall.
“It’s gonna stick there, “And
you’re gonna dive through it Into another dimension.
” Tell you who I saw today.