Lyrics Hot Girls In Bars And Their Dude Counterparts - Louis C.K.

Hot Girls In Bars And Their Dude Counterparts

I just don’t look at a woman as a pair of tits anymore, and I wish I did, ’cause I could get laid
easier, ’cause that’s what it takes.
Just to go- But I can’t now.
Like, I went to a club.
I went to a
club, you know, like, a… like, a club.
And I’m standing there looking at all the people, and there’s
the women- The hot chicks.
The hot girl at the bar.
You know when you see them, that’s just-
she’s a hot girl At the bar.
She’s got the- got the shirt and the skirt, and the boots.
Those three
lines.
It’s, like, some perfect ratio that they hit with those three lines, and you- and they’re all
standing there like that.
And I used to look at somebody like that.
I’m like, “wow, she’s an angel.
What could I ever say to make her like me?”
Now I look at her and I’m like, “What is that?
“Is
that even a person?
“What the fuck kind of person is that?
Is that an identity even?
Who would
want to be that?”
I have two daughters.
I pray they don’t grow up to be the- the hot girl at the
bar.
What kind of- “Hey, what do you do?”
“People want to fuck me.”
Really?
That’s it?
“Yeah.
“I
go to this club, and they want to fuck me over here.
“Ha ha.
Not you.
Ha ha.”
And their male
counterparts Are even more useless.
The guys.
The dudes-the going out to get laid dudes.
You
know those guys That walk in packs of nine down the bar street.
The going out to get laid guys.
They all got the same button-up, stripy, going out to get laid shirt on.
They all got the same
stride, and there’s one short guy behind them like- and they- they’re all out to get- Like, who’s
gonna fuck all nine of you?
What is the fantasy here?
Are you gonna see nine women in the
same configuration, And just all-?
Are you all gonna walk into a giant vagina somewhere?
“Ha
ha!
Dude!”
And then later they’re in front of a pizza place, just angry at each other.
“You said
there was pussy there, you idiot!”
“Shut up!”
Then they beat up a stranger and get the energy
out that way.
“Faggot!”
Those are the most dangerous people, are dudes that didn’t get laid.
They’re just fucking- Just full of cum coming out of their eyes.
“Fucking-fucking- Fuck somebody.”
Stand there.
I love dudes that hang out together and do the whole- I saw this group of guys, And one of ’em
was such a guy, He had it turned up so high that it was crazy.
His friends were kind of normal.
He
was like- I’m like, “what?
Is that- That can’t be real.
That can’t be a personality.”
Does he do that
at 4:00 in the morning when he’s peeing and nobody’s in his apartment?
He’s like- And he kept
doing that gesture That guys like to do.
The… That’s my favorite dumb guy gesture.
Yeah.
Pfft.
Pffsh, yeah, right.
I always wonder, what if there was a guy who, whenever he does this, he has
to finish.
Like, just some guy who works in your office.
You ask him a question.
“Hey, is Bill in
yet?”
“Yeah, Like, he’s ever on time.”
“Oh, fuck.”
“Oh, shit.
“Seriously, that dude’s always late,
man.
I’m serious.
”
It’s always an odd moment In a guy’s life, The second after you come, and you’re like- Reality
comes rushing back.
‘Cause you’ve been Pushing reality away In pieces All night to get the- “Oh,
no, it’s fine.
“Yeah, no, It doesn’t matter.
“No, I’ll just leave my car there.
“It doesn’t matter.
I’ll
just go… “Doesn’t matter… This is weird… Ah, fuck.
” And then You’re just like- You’re like the
Hulk coming back down to the other guy.
My clothes are ripped And there’s a dead guy here.
I
don’t know what happened.
I’m gonna get my duffle bag And leave town again.