| Two old ladies were sitting on the grass
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| One shoved a finger up the other one’s
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| Oi!
|
| I had a girl the other night and just as the day was dawning
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| A crowd came by and they joined in
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| And our case comes up in the morning
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| (well there’s no sweat anyway, I’m the judge
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| I’ll try em without the other)
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| Dread and I were sitting in the bath
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| Dread blew off and made I laugh
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| (oh look bubbles!)
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| Old mother Riley she got drunk
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| She fell on the fire and she burnt her
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| Oi!
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| (Musta been too much Guinness
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| Silly old cow)
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| In days of old when knights were bold
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| And ladies weren’t invented
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| A knight drilled holes in telegraph poles
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| And he had to be contented
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| (If you’d asked me I’d have given him a tin opener)
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| A girl who lives next door to me
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| Sunbathes on the lawn
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| I’d be over the garden fence
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| And I always get the
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| (Tally ho!)
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| My latest girl is slightly deaf
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| With her it’s never heaven
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| Her conversation’s rubbish
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| So I always cock a deafn'
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| (Are you coming darling?
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| Aye?
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| That’s what they say, too much makes you deaf
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| Huh?
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| Oh, well I think I’ll go home and take the wife’s tights off. |
| They’re making my
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| legs itch.) |