| I’ll tell you a tale of Nelson
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| And when his lordship died
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| From a very honest seamen
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| Who never ever lied
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| Oh he called on Captain Hardy
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| To kiss him 'for he go
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| He said five years on this same ship
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| And now he let’s me know
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| I like the girls who say they do
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| I hate the girls who don’t
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| I hate the girls who say they do
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| And then they say they won’t
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| But all of the girls I like the best
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| I may be wrong or right
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| Are the ones who say they never do
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| But look as though they might
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| Flesh young lad was smoking
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| Upon the lower deck
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| The glamorous young clippy
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| Did grab him by the neck
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| She said I’ll have to throw you off
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| Or my duty I
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| Do you want to get me into trouble
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| He said yes please, after work
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| I’ll tell you of my Granddad
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| Who is ninety six years old
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| Who cuddled up to Granny
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| Because he felt the cold
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| He asked her, how about it
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| She said, dear go back to sleep
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| Don’t let your mind make appointments
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| That your body just can’t keep |