| I read the news today oh boy
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| About a lucky man who made the grade
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| And though the news was rather sad
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| Well I just had to laugh
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| I saw the photograph
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| He blew his mind out in a car
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| He didn't notice that the lights had changed
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| A crowd of people stood and stared
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| They'd seen his face before
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| Nobody was really sure
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| If he was from the House of Lords
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| I saw a film today oh boy
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| The English Army had just won the war
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| A crowd of people turned away
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| But I just had to look
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| Having read the book
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| I'd love to turn you on
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| Woke up, fell out of bed
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| Dragged a comb across my head
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| Found my way downstairs and drank a cup
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| And looking up I noticed I was late
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| Found my coat and grabbed my hat
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| Made the bus in seconds flat
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| Found my way upstairs and had a smoke
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| And somebody spoke and I went into a dream
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| I read the news today oh boy
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| Four thousand holes in Blackburn, Lancashire
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| And though the holes were rather small
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| They had to count them all
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| Now they know how many holes it takes to fill the Albert Hall
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| I'd love to turn you on |