| We’ve been together for so very long
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| But now things are changing, oh I wonder what’s wrong?
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| Seems you don’t want me around
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| The passion is gone and the flame’s died down
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| I guess I lost a little bit of self-esteem
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| That time that you made it with the whole hockey team
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| You used to think I was nice
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| Now you tell all your friends that I’m the Antichrist
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| Oh, why did you disconnect the brakes in my car?
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| That kind of thing is hard to ignore
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| Got a funny feeling you don’t love me anymore
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| I knew that we were having problems when
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| You put those piranhas in my bathtub again
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| You’re still the light of my life
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| Oh darling, I’m beggin', won’t you put down that knife?
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| You know, I even think it’s kinda cute the way
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| You poison my coffee just a little each day
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| I still remember the way that you laughed
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| When you pushed me down that elevator shaft
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| Oh, if you don’t mind me asking, what’s this poisonous cobra
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| Doing in my underwear drawer?
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| Sometime I get to thinking you don’t love me any more
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| You slammed my face down on the barbecue grill
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| Now my scars are all healing, but my heart never will
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| You set my house on fire
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| You pulled out my chest hairs with an old pair of pliers
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| Oh, you think that I’m ugly and you say that I’m cheap
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| You shaved off my eyebrows while I was asleep
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| You drilled a hole in my head
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| Then you dumped me in a drainage ditch and left me for dead
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| Oh, you know this really isn’t like you at all
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| You never acted this way before
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| Honey, something tells me you don’t love me any more, oh no no
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| Got a funny feeling you don’t love me anymore |