| I could make a dress
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| A robe fit for a prince
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| I could clothe a continent
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| But I can’t sew a stitch
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| I can paint my face
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| And stand very, very still
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| It’s not very practical
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| But it still pays the bills
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| I can’t change my name
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| But I could be your type
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| I can dance and win at games
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| Like backgammon and life
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| I used to be the smart one
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| Sharp as a tack
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| Funny how that skipping years ahead
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| Has held me back
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| I used to be the bright one
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| Top in my class
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| Funny what they give you when you
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| Just learn how to ask
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| I can write a song
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| But I can’t sing in key
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| I can play piano
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| But I never learned to read
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| I can’t trap a mouse
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| But I can pet a cat
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| No, I’m really serious!
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| I’m really, very good at that
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| I can’t fix a car
|
| But I can fix a flat
|
| I could fix a lot of things
|
| But I’d rather not get into that
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| I used to be the bright one
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| Smart as a whip
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| Funny how you slip so far when
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| Teachers don’t keep track of it
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| I used to be the tight one
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| The perfect fit
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| Funny how those compliments can
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| Make you feel so full of it
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| I can shuffle, cut, and deal
|
| But I can’t draw a hand
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| I can’t draw a lot of things
|
| I hope you understand
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| I’m not exceptionally shy
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| But I’ve never had a man
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| That I could look straight in the eye
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| And tell my secret plans
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| I can take a vow
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| And I can wear a ring
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| And I can make you promises but
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| They won’t mean a thing
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| Can’t you just do it for me?
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| I’ll pay you well
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| Fuck, I’ll pay you anything if you could end this
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| Can’t you just fix it for me?
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| It’s gone berserk
|
| Oh fuck, I’ll give you anything if
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| You can make the damn thing work
|
| Can’t you just fix it for me?
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| I’ll pay you well
|
| Oh, fuck I’ll pay you anything
|
| If you can end this
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| Hello, I love you, won’t you tell me your name?
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| Hello, I’m good for nothing—will you love me just the same? |