Lyrics Down To The Old Pub Instead - Stephen Lynch

Down To The Old Pub Instead

lad it’s your duty to find ye a lass
with child bearing hips and a pink supple ass
and make her your wife and love her with love so true
now some rivers run high some rivers run low
when her river runs red and shes startin her flow
and it called menstruation and heres what it means to you
you will notice her bloomers are spotty at first
stand back her ovarian dams gunna burst
son dont be afraid it’s a natural thing
just wad up some cotton and hand her some string
put the old linens on top of the bed
get out of the house and go down to the old pub instead
she’ll retain her water, her breasts will be tender
and every third word that you say will offend her
get out of the house and go down to the old pub instead
and she’ll want to make love if you do your a fool
cuz you’ll only end up with a bloody old tool
get out of the house
down to the old pub instead
and shell want you to sample the fruit of her loins but son it will taste like
some old rusty coins
so turn off the lights boy and take off your hat and drop to your knees,
say a prayer to saint pat
that he’ll give you the strength to get out of the bed and for irelands sake go
down to the old pub instead
now the pub is the place where the lads are a meetin
when the moons full and the gals are a’bleedin
the catholic, the protestant, and even the pagan
the pub is the place when ur lady is raggin
so drink of ur pint boys and thank your shamrocks that as menfolk we dont have
to bleed from our cocks
and that we can escape from the lady in red
and get out of the house and go down to the old pub instead