Lyrics Best Friends Song - Stephen Lynch

Best Friends Song

Stephen: Mark has been my best friend for many years now, and I wrote a song-
Mark: About one
Stephen: …that's a lot of months.
I wrote a song to celebrate what I think is
our greatest asset as friends, and that’s our complete and utter differences.
We’re total opposites when it comes to almost everything
Mark: Completely
Stephen: So I wrote a song, and we’re gonna sing it for you now
Mark: Gay.
Not gay.
Just one thing.
It’s this shirt, isn’t it?
Alright,
I’m the gay one
Stephen: Thank you!
I didn’t wanna out you in front of everybody
Mark: I like my toast buttered
Stephen: And I like mine dry
Mark: I dig the Beatles
Stephen: I’m a 'Stones kinda guy
Mark: I have fine taste
Stephen: And I like things cheap
Mark: I wanna stay up all night
Stephen: I just wanna sleep… with your sister!
Mark: I’m sorry, what did you just say?
Stephen: What?
Mark: No, you just said something about you want to sleep with my-
Mark: I like the sunshine
Stephen: And I wanna nail your sister
Mark: See there, you just said it again.
I like Julia Roberts movies
Stephen: I just wanna F*** the S*** out of your sister!
Stephen: Well Tyke, you would rule, if you’d say «It's cool»
Mark: What are you talking about?
It’s not cool!
Stephen: I’d go pick her up at her Jr. High School!
Mark: Woah!
Hey!
That Sister?
NO!
Stephen: Yeah!
I wanna F*** your sister!
I just wanna F*** in her F***ing face
and C** all over her hair and stick it in her eyeball and-
Mark: Hey!
No!
OH MY GOD!
You can’t skull F*** my sister!
Mark: Hey, hey, woah!
Wait a minute!
Stephen: What?
Mark: Woah, goddamit!
Stephen: What???
Mark: You wanna F*** my sister?
Stephen: Yes
Mark: You wanna F*** my SISTER?
Stephen: Yes!
Mark: *pause* $ 26.50