| I’m sorry to interrupt your evening at the eatery
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| But I’m about to freak what you believe unbelievably
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| You will see, every time Sparker, comma, Peter speaks
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| It’s bacon for the Jews and gay marriage for the Jesus freaks
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| VHS tapes flying out the red box
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| All the Yankee’s fans cheering for the Red Sox
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| And the neo nazis all growing dread locks
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| Listenin' to Erykah Badu until their head nods
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| I got Facebook accounts for the Amish
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| Throw a little steak in while I’m makin' Vegans omelettes
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| Democrats out hunting in the forestry
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| Republicans giving tax cuts to minorities
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| All the beer snobs chillin', sippin' Natty Ice
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| While I take a bachelor and match him with a battered wife
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| Got the Hipsters clothes shopping at Walmart
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| Hanging with the B-Team, acting like they’re all stars
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| Unplugging tanning booths in Little Italy
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| Hanging with some country music fans bumping Lil B
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| Making A&R's spit bars and vans
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| While I’m reading poetry to some Nascar fans
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| Look, it’s Peter Sparker in this bitch, I’m the people’s douche
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| And I will never quit until the day I see the poor become the rich
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| Or the rich become the poor, so they’re holding open doors
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| For the single moms who buy their food up at the dollar store
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| I got some alpha males thinking they’re lame
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| Donald Trump just asked me for spare change
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| The Westboro Baptist Church is having gay sex
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| While I got the sneaker heads shopping up in Payless
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| Then I got the teenagers all leaving social media
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| And reading what a library is on Wikipedia
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| I could make a morning person sleep into the evening
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| Shit, I got Lebron James moving back to Cleveland
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| I could get the housewives to all stop gossiping
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| And get the Taliban starting all girls colleges (colleges)
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| Illiterate people, they all want to read about it
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| Let’s do something sweet and not tweet about it
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| Dead beat dads asking where the diapers are
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| Drag queens all dancing in the biker bar
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| Jocks giving geeks props as the pass in the hall
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| I got Kobe Bryant passing the ball, come on
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| Look, it’s Peter Sparker in this bitch, I’m the people’s douche
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| And I will never quit until the day I see the poor become the rich
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| Or the rich become the poor, so they’re holding open doors
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| For the single moms who buy their food up at the dollar store
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| Man the day is gonna come, when the bosses will be generous
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| And all the employees will get some benefits, for once
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| And until the day it does, you know I’m your fucking bud
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| It’s the people’s douche, now let me see those dirty hands up!
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| Put your hands up
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| If you only got a dollar in your pocket and that shit ain’t enough
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| Put your hands up
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| Put your hands up
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| If you’re not here to put 'em up ‘cause you had to work and couldn’t come
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| Look, it’s Peter Sparker in this bitch, I’m the people’s douche
|
| And I will never quit until the day I see the poor become the rich
|
| Or the rich become the poor, so they’re holding open doors
|
| For the single moms who buy their food up at the dollar store
|
| Man the day is gonna come, when the bosses will be generous
|
| And all the employees will get some benefits, for once
|
| And until the day it does, you know I’m your fucking bud
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| It’s the people’s douche, now let me see those dirty hands up! |