| You ever notice how your life is rolling by you
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| It isn’t what it seems
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| I wrote this down so you’d know that I knew
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| This is just a dream
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| It’s the fictitious stuff ya see as voyeurs
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| The same tricks that make us believe in lawyers
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| They sell the same lies to the girls and boys
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| For your whole life, telling you the worlds ya oyster
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| If that’s the case I’m allergic to seafood
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| Castaway and that’s what they serve when they feed you
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| So you’re covered in goiters now love and enjoy us
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| Move the waistline and in eight days time you see through
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| Who’s to say it’ll improve today
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| You could lose some weight, you didn’t want to lose your way
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| And life is one of those books where you choose your fate
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| You could hang yourself but I bet the noose would break
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| Hey I guess you gotta try and laugh at it
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| 'Cuz mathematically it’s half tragic and half havoc
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| Dag nabbit, who woulda ever thought
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| I’d get the short straw outta life if I grabbed at it
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| I’m on a path padded down by sore feet
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| Feelin' like the last cat in town where dogs eat
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| King of the fools on a short leash
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| I used to laugh at the clowns who had on the crown before me
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| Well now I’m chucklin' at my own expense
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| It doesn’t cost me the bucks that I’ve been known to spend
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| On what a simple cup of coffee and doughnut can
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| It’s like save the children but for grown up men, friends
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| I’m in a zen place sportin' a Jen’s face
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| Though I’m a chump I’m over the hump like Wednesdays
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| I don’t go for most of the junk my friends say
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| I let it roll over my cold shoulder like BenGay
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| That’s the best way to treat disaster
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| Cuz if you let regret stay it eats you faster
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| Your breastplate shakes when you breathe with asthma
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| Death may take ya to greener pastures
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| I need a pastor, a priest, a rabbi ain’t ashamed if I asked to beseech the bad
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| guy
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| To blame for the fact that I lead a sad life
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| Ashamed to pack up and leave my campsite
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| You gotta find a way to laugh right
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| Well I’m practically pissin' my pants over this damn ride
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| And I don’t wanna end up missin' my chance for me to grab my slice from the
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| dish in advance
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| Man, I spend a lot of time listenin' to cants instead of opening the lid on the
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| cans
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| If I put half my time spent on bitchin' and rants and do a plan I could slip
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| away from the trance
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| But I guess this is the dance, the life I lead
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| My lawn isn’t grass, it’s thigh high weeds
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| My wife lives with my man beside my street
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| So I see her kiss him again every time I leave
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| And I’m just trying to find my speed. |
| Fuckin' jimminy crickets
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| I got another cop givin' me tickets
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| What would my life be if it didn’t seem wicked
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| Even my landlord said she would love to get me evicted
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| That’s cold, I’d expect a mother to stick with
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| Her own struggling nitwit son who’s a misfit
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| Asshole, but nothing can fix it
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| I’d put my trust in lady luck if she wasn’t sadistic
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| But I’ve had so little success of being elated
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| At the prospect of rest and being cremated
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| And right now I’m thinkin' of puttin' this mic down
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| 'Cuz bein' dead is better than bein' hated
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| This ain’t quite how I was picturin' my career
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| They’re stickin' it in my rear, these are not my terms
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| And I figured I’m in the clear since they got me burned
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| 'Til the funeral director went and dropped my urn
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| Well I guess you gotta learn to laugh at it
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| When you’re the brunt of your own joke it doesn’t seem as tragic
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| Take it from someone who knows folks
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| There ain’t a mathematic pattern for outrunning your own woes
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| Well so goes your role at the zoo
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| It still isn’t what it seems
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| I wrote this down so you’d know that I knew
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| This is just a dream |