| I awoke unaware in a fog of whiskey
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| Wrapped inside a coat from the hair of
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| The dog that bit me
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| I was lost and dizzy
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| And still feeling awfully pissy
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| When I noticed my alarm had missed me
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| God forgive me or at least my boss
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| With all this nausea in me I just need time off
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| In a big way, which sucks
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| Because much to my dismay
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| I just used up all my sick days
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| Oh I wish they made a quicker fix
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| To deal with the way the liquor sticks
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| When it hits your lips
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| Which isn’t a bit as quick
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| As the wise-cracks, oohs and grunts
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| Hit the lips of your homies
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| When you lose your lunch
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| Or you kiss a chick
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| Whose size of skirt and intimate undergarments
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| Indicate that she likes dessert
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| I’m sick of it
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| I only wish the guys at Merck
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| Would find a cure
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| To keep me sipping fine liqueur
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| For every time I had to drive to work late
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| Let 'em line 'em up like every night’s my birthday
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| The first taste is great
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| Twice the same
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| The third makes lightning rain and the earth shakes
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| Tonight’s a game while tomorrow is harassment
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| Say goodbye to shame
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| Sayonara embarrassment
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| It’s nice to drain a bottle with arrogance
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| And never think twice again when you wanna
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| Wallow in merriment
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| I wish they made a morning after pill
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| So I wouldn’t have to feel like such an a*shole still
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| When I swig from every booze on the shelf
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| Until I’ve had my fill to the gills and make a
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| Fool of myself
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| You wouldn’t smell like a liquor distillery
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| Relief would be as easy and quick as a pill in me
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| One dash of aspirin, a lick of senility
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| And you’d slip from the grip of humility
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| Three cheers for beer and forever
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| Steering clear of the car crash that
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| Always seems to come with your bar tab
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| Cause cognac should come with a hard hat
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| Just for when your flight nosedives and you
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| Run into tarmac
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| You gotta be a sharp tack to stick around
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| Sitting on a stool sipping stout til your lips are brown
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| First knock the Guinness out and switch to Murphey’s
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| Beer gut stuffed like we’re twisted turkeys
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| It’s a hurt piece to kick your work week
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| Off by feeling lost with a wish for mercy
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| Search me while you find a kid that’s thirsty
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| Who didn’t know his woe was prescription worthy
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| Kids from Jersey who cross the bridge and New York
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| Is boozed like abused foster kids
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| And we all could use a cure for this
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| So get in line for a better life at your doctor’s offices
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| For every time I made a scene in public
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| Let 'em line the bar with Jim Beam and club mix
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| And never mind the life of pain that
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| You might sustain should you
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| Forget to buy your miracle drug fix
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| Tonight’s a game while tomorrow is harassment
|
| Say goodbye to shame
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| Sayonara embarrassment
|
| It’s nice to drain a bottle with arrogance
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| And never ever think twice again when you
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| Wallow in merriment
|
| I wish they made a morning after pill
|
| So I wouldn’t have to feel like such an asshole still
|
| When I swig from every booze on the shelf
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| Until I’ve had my fill to the gills and make a
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| Fool of myself
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| You never smell like a liquor distillery
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| Relief would be as easy and quick as a pill in me
|
| One dash of aspirin, a lick of senility
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| And you’d never have to live with humility
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| Outro:
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| I wish they made a morning after pill
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| So I wouldn’t have to feel like such an asshole still
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| When I swig from every booze on the shelf
|
| Until I’ve had my fill to the gills and make a
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| Fool of myself
|
| You wouldn’t smell like a liquor distillery
|
| Relief would be as easy and quick as a pill in me
|
| One dash of aspirin, a lick of senility
|
| And you’d never have to live with humility |