| I’m gonna make you sweat
 | 
| The way a pig sweats on a hot day
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| 'Cos I’m feeling real sexy baby
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| Real Sexy, ohh yeah!
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| That’s right, I’m gonna put me a sexy video on
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| I’m gonna massage some oil into my body baby
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| 'Cos I’m gonna get tight with you
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| Yeah
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| One time
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| I wanna take you to Mcdonalds with a candle
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| Girl, it’s my love you can’t handle
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| I see you walking on the way home from work
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| Your Tesco tunic really drives me berserk
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| I’m for real — it ain’t no quirk
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| My love is lurking the way a rapist would lurk
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| In a bush, or a car park in town
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| I bought you this necklace
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| It cost me 12 pounds
 | 
| From Argos, Elizabeth Duke
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| Maybe you’re the Skywalker to my Luke
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| The Darth to the Vader
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| Flip Over the Crossfader
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| I’ll serenade you with a bag of Space Raiders
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| Or Walkers or Smiths or maybe even Quavers
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| 'Cos my love for you is like drugs for ravers
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| With glowsticks and funny hats on
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| I loves you more than I loves my bong
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| (Fantasy!)
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| You and me baby
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| …baby
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| Oh you fucking knows I love you right
 | 
| But the thing is it’s like this
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| You see, I can feel it inside
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| I can’t explain how it feels
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| My sexual love is for real
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| Girl you knows it’s true, like Milli Vanilli
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| I’ll buy you ten fags on a daytrip to Caerphilly
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| I’m after your heart, Oh don’t you see
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| And your three kids doesn’t bother me
 | 
| You Know…
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| I’ll give you a rose, pull out your chair when we eat
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| Fuck I can’t, 'cos In McDonalds it’s a bolted seat
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| Don’t matter 'cos I’m here with you
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| With a medium value meal and a chocolate sundae too
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| Later on I’ll come and help you sign on
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| I’ll stare into your eyes, the housing benefits gone wrong
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| Don’t worry baby it won’t take too long
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| I’m just sitting, I’m just waiting, I’m just writing this song
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| You know that time passes and I’m loving every second
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| Buying chips for you is as lovely as I reckoned
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| You’re Victoria Spice, I’m David Beckham
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| If you were Del Boy, I’d be the streets of Peckham
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| Why don’t you come to me, why can’t you see
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| My love for you is like Marc Bolan to a tree
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| (Dance with me!)
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| I’ll take you for a ride, we won’t go far
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| You’ve been running through my mind like a shining star
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| We’ve got plenty of time to make sweet love
 | 
| 'cos tonight’s the night we take off the glove
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| You know what I mean, you’re taking the pill
 | 
| Don’t worry — I’ll sort out the bill
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| Supported by the DHSS
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| With family allowance, We’ll sort out the mess
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| What’s it gonna take, to get your attention
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| A tracksuit and gold chain and savage erection
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| Say no more, I can feel a tear
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| You can smokes my fags and drinks my beer
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| I’ll never want another like I want you
 | 
| To prove my love, I gotta tattoo — on my bollocks
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| I was gonna have your name
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| But I only got initials
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| 'Cos I couldn’t stand the pain
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| (My physical love!)
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| (The emotional reality!)
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| You’re the nicest looking woman outside of my sexmags
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| Especially with your makeup, when your wearing your gladrags
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| I gotta tell you, I gotta let you know
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| I wanna buy you trips down the Mecca Bingo
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| We’ll sit together, get four in a row
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| And win a china dog and with it too a family show
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| This is romance, how it should be done
 | 
| When it’s you and me together, it can only spell fun
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| We’ll walk together, buy some meat in the market
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| I’ll piss on the car, you’ll smile and park it
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| I’ve got to tell you about something I think
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| Without you and my chain I’m The Weakest Link
 | 
| So get down baby and feel my love
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| I’ll get you drunk in Weatherspoons, Into a bush I shove
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| I’ll have a grope and get the last bus
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| A romantic date, just the two of us
 | 
| (Yeah, one time)
 | 
| (Electrical Love!)
 | 
| You and me baby
 | 
| …baby
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| Tonight
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| I’m feeling kind of
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| Kind of sexy baby
 | 
| What say you put on that exercise video
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| And I’ll watch you sweat
 | 
| Oh yeah!
 | 
| That damn video with Felicity Kendal
 | 
| Damn you can…
 | 
| And your making me feel kinda
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| Itchy!
 | 
| I’m gonna go put the mask and gloves on
 | 
| Oh yeah
 | 
| Take em off baby
 | 
| Just take them
 | 
| Fuck the music baby
 | 
| Take them Off
 | 
| Just, take them off
 | 
| Just, oh freak this shit man
 | 
| Turn the fucking tape off man |