| Now this is a story I’ve got to share
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| It’ll only take a minute, sit right there
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| If you shop at Iceland or Matalan
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| Let me tell you about a special place called Cwmbran
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| In South Wales, home to straights and gays
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| With fantastic free parking, you can park any days
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| Go up the leisure centre, look at tits in the pool
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| Get arrested hanging round one of the secondary schools
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| There’s a number of pubs and they’re all quite good
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| Although the square’s full of roughs from the neighbourhood
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| So get on the motorway and drive as fast as you can
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| On the A-4−0-5−1 to Cwmbran
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| In West Cwmbran they have a trading estate
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| You can rent a warehouse for a reasonable rate
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| They had the first McDonalds in South Wales
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| And if you drank in the Moonraker you had to be nails
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| Forty-seven thousand people known to live around there
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| That’s ten thousand more than the folks in Aberdare
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| If you like folk dancing then just ring up and call
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| They do lessons in Llantarnam at the local church hall
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| Cwmbran’s not known for rape or killing
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| It’s a great place to go, if you’re chilling
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| I went around the world from L.A. to Japan
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| I never found a place with parking quite like Cwmbran
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| Now this is a story about a standard Welsh town
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| With adequate facilities, come on down
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| They got a cinema, biscuit factory, built to plan
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| I want tell you all about a place I know called Cwmbran
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| Go on a day trip, in the car
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| In the mornings go to Llandegfedd reservoir
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| Then if you’re bored, in the afternoons
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| Enjoy reasonably priced booze in the JD Wetherspoons
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| The people of Cwmbran will help you reach your goal
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| From drainage to locksmith to pest control
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| So if you come from far away like Essex or Vietnam
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| Just remember it’s the place where indoor shopping began
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| There’s so much to see, where to begin
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| You might wanna stay the night at the Premier Inn
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| So get your sister, your aunty, your cousin and your gran
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| And take them on a day trip, up to Cwmbran
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| If you had an operation and you need rest and calm
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| You can spend the day hanging out at Green Meadow Farm
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| They’ve got llamas, sheep, chicken, pigs and a cow
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| And if you don’t know how to milk them then the staff will show you how
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| This was a story about a special place
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| Where if you take your car, you’ll always find a space
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| And that was the story of how it began
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| And how you can be the Fresh Prince of Cwmbran
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| Oh Cwmbran, they’ve got there
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| I saw Colin Jackson in Cwmbran stadium once.
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| My mate went to a car boot sale in Cwnbran last weekend and bought a full
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| bondage outfit for fourteen quid, wicked
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| I’ve got a mate up in Cwnbran called Verve, didn’t leave the house for three
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| years, and he only wears chinos |