Lyrics Regarding Cricket - Dan Bull

Regarding Cricket

Regarding cricket
The object is not wickets
It’s about who can bring the biggest naval frigate
And although our military has recently diminished significantly, we
Pommies
Will arrive on your shores with the force of a tsunami
So run back to your mommy
Who needs the atomic bomb when you’ve got the Barmy Army?
New age English Tommies
We’re a larger imposing threat
Than that of the Commies
In the 1950s
We’ve beaten the West Indians, Zimbabweans, Namibians
South Africans, Jamaicans and Sri Lankans
And the Pakistanis, who were particularly shoddy
We broke their will like a faulty latex rubber johnny
So I don’t mean to come across as snobby
But an Aussie isn’t something that particularly bothers me
I’m not a bigot
But regarding cricket
I don’t need a ticket
I stay comfy in my armchair
Hidden away like Monty Panesar’s hair
Panesar Panesar Pane Panesar Panesar
Panesar Panesar Pane Panesar
Regarding cricket
Our odds of winning are shorter than a midget
The sum of our runs will come to triple digits
And once we’ve begun, we won’t succumb, we won’t relinquish
Til we’ve ripped this wretched district
Into bits quick, it’s horrific
The skill exhibited will kill your spirit quick
Until it is the integrity of a soaked rich tea biscuit
Once I’ve dipped it
In my tea
Oh, and by the way, I’m also an MC
Ripping the track, taking your ball, never giving it back
One of the best leg spinners to bat in the entire history of rap
I display a way with words that’s patently absurd
I’ve stayed at the top of my game far longer than Dickie Bird, Observe:
I was in Australia on the day the bails were burned
And ever since I’ve yearned for the return of that little urn
It’s a longing, an urge, the wanting of birds and bonking
Disperses into insignificance compared to that one thing
Now allow me to tell you something that I’ve heard
Ricky Ponting’s skills are somewhat wanting in that regard
Regard, regard, regarding cricket
Certain players are depraved and thus they behave in ways illicit
If I drop my trousers and expose my rump, will you kiss it?
For luck
I said if I pull my trousers down and present you my rump, will you kiss it
On the off stump?
Will you kiss it?
(end like this)