| So it’s nearly time for me to go
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| But I want to thank you for being here
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| It’s been a pleasure
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| I mean that truly
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| And now I’m going to do a convoluted tune
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| A composition that I’m particularly proud of
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| Never been a fellow to be down with the Gs
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| Hardly ever collect felonies out on the street
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| My criminal record took minimal effort
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| To scribble and get all it down on a sheet
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| Me, I can do without the police
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| See, I’m a dude renowned to be tedious
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| No pissing about, I’m serious
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| I really just sit around on a seat
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| Read a book, put it down, have a wee
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| 'til I feel I’ve had enough then I slouch in my PJs
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| These days when I’m counting my sheep
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| It takes me ages drowsing to sleep
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| Feel I’m thousands of feet out of my league
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| Like a floundering dinghy down in the deep
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| People shouting at me I’m not allowed on a beat
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| But there’s four times more that’ll tell me I’m sweet
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| I found my release when I bought me a mic
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| And recorded a tight lyric down on a beat
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| With the sound so loud that the speakers
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| Melt with the heat cos I’m Dan to the B
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| One, two, I’m counting to three
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| Then I want you, to bounce to the beat
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| From the North to the West to the South to the East
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| We can all get well rowdy
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| I oughtn’t lie, I mean demographically
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| There’s a hypothesis I support:
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| That I am the more priviliged in all of society
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| Quite unlike the baller I try and be
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| I was born in a nice region
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| And brought up politely
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| So I was taught to mind my Ps and Qs
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| And make way for OAPs in queues
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| I’m a decent dude, peaceful too
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| But on a beat I speak with lethal truth
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| This sequel to my debut album’s
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| A way to tell them the good news:
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| That I’m a middle class kid from the Midlands
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| Less «safe» more like «how you diddling?»
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| I’m like a Polo without the middle in
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| More whole than the hole to fill it in
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| Though I’m a bitter kid, just a little bit
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| Bringing mint lyrics but no-one's listening
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| But I’m in the zone and I’m coveting the throne
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| So I’m not gonna give it in, gloves coming off and I’m boxing until I win
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| Watch when I’m in the ring
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| Roundhouse my doubts, bopping them in the chin
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| Plot thickening along with the smoke
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| But I’m not gonna choke — I’ve got ventolin
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| Like when I kicked my bong and it broke
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| It allowed me the freedom to breathe the air again
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| And now that I’m clean and the songs that I wrote then
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| Are out and they’re seen I am proud to be me
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| You could tell when I’d been chilling out with some weed
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| I couldn’t leave the house, you could smell the Febreze
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| Now when I’m out on an evening in town I’m a demon
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| Downing indecent amounts of Ribena
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| 'til I’m down on my knees and in pieces
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| Weeping shouting «help me, please»
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| But when I’m having doubts about my belief
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| I just tell myself that I’m proud to be me |