| Yo it’s Santa, put all your hands up
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| Damn, bruh
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| This rap track is a banger, standard
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| I’m grabbing all the ham in the hamper
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| Sipping cognac brandy right out the decanter
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| Riding my reindeer about at a canter
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| Grabbing Dancer and Prancer’s antlers
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| Yank them about for the banter, wow man, I’m random
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| Handing bags full of bamboo to pandas
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| And I’m giving Bob Ross fans a new canvas
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| Is that a happy little cloud or a Santa?
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| Dang, it’s the man with the fan club
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| From Hampshire to Japan, Uganda, Rwanda, Sri Lanka
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| Merry Christmas, happy Hannukah, Kwanzaa
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| As-salaam-alaikum, namaste, gouranga
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| Thank ya, or in Frankfurt: «Danke»
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| Because having good manners? |
| That’s gangsta
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| Got a lap dance from an Elf up in Lapland
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| Told me she’s a bad lass, and I’d have to spank her
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| What’s good for the goose isn’t bad for the gander
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| Ho ho ho is the fat man’s mantra
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| Oop, that’s another scandal
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| I’ll hand to my manager to handle and come up with an angle
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| Like I’m a really nice version of Abu Hamza
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| Snow hiding my dandruff
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| Don’t come down a chimney, that’ll land you in handcuffs
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| Sorry Dorothy, we’re not in Kansas
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| Cancer’s starting a stanza that’s starker than Sansa
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| Or the seedier parts of Atlanta
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| Sex and the City cast: Parker, Samantha
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| Don’t let them tell you that you can’t, 'cause you can
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| And if the other kids in class say Santa’s a sham
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| Tell them: That’s fake news! |
| Sad! |
| Propaganda!
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| People are mistaken in believing that Australia’s
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| Capital city’s Sydney, it’s actually Canberra
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| Jacksfilms, Dan Bull, assholes, cameras
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| Don’t read the comments 'cause they’re bad for your grammar
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| Reading all your letters and their spelling got me anxious
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| #YIAY, let Jack find the answers
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| I invented product placement, ooh, Fanta
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| That’ll go well with a Chandler lasagne
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| Now I’m amped up, and that’s just a sampler
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| Of sounds that I’m sticking in your hippocampus
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| It is a Christmas bonanza, extravaganza
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| And damn, it feels good to be a Santa (yeah)
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| Damn, it feels good to be a Santa |