| I wish I were a bird
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| 'Cause if I were a bird then I could take wing high above you
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| You could watch my white wings flap
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| And I could take a great big crap on anyone who tried to hurt you
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| But then I’d have to desert you
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| Flying southward in the fall…
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| I don’t want to be a bird after all
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| I wish I were a dog
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| 'Cause if I were a dog then I’d do tricks to show I love you
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| I could run and fetch the stick
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| And I could sit right down and lick my privates when your Mom came over
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| But if I was your Rover
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| You’d have my testicles recalled…
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| I don’t want to be a dog after all
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| Lai da dai, lai da dai, lai da dai, lai da dai
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| Lai da dai, lai da dai, lai da dai
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| Lai da dai, lai da dai, lai da dai, lai da dai
|
| Lai da dai, lai da dai, lai da dai
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| I wish I were a deer
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| 'Cause if I were a deer then we could play out in the forest
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| 'Til you shot me by mistake
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| Then you would carve me into steak with a touch so sweet and gentle
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| Keep my head as a memento
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| Hangin' in the upstairs hall…
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| I don’t want to be a deer after all
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| I wish I were a monkey
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| 'Cause if I were a monkey, I could be your furry jester
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| And whenever you were blue
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| You’d come and see me at the zoo; |
| my antics would be reassurin'
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| But I would always reek of urine
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| And throw my feces at the wall…
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| I don’t want to be a monkey
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| I don’t want to be a monkey
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| No I don’t wanna be no monkey after all
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| Lai da dai, lai da dai, lai da dai, lai da dai
|
| Lai da dai, lai da dai, lai da dai
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| Lai da dai, lai da dai, lai da dai, lai da dai
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| Lai da dai, lai da dai, lai da dai |