Lyrics These are Not My Children - Barry Louis Polisar

These are Not My Children

They think it is so funny when they flatten my new hat.
They think they are so clever when they try to dress the cat.
They hide my car keys and my shoes.
They kick and scream and fuss.
And when do their homework, they leave it on the bus.
But these are not my children;
My kids are polite
I think someone switched them
In the middle of the night
My kids never leave their clothes in piles on the floor
And when they use the bathroom, they always close the door.
My kids are so well behaved;
they never ever fight
They’re patient and obedient and are extremely bright
My kids listen when I speak, they follow every rule
My kids do not yell at me, they’re never late for school
My kids don’t drop cookie crumbs when they eat a snack
My kids wear clean underwear;
my kids don’t talk back