Lyrics of Til min mor - Balthasar

Til min mor (original)

Aldrig har noget så simpelt, været så svært at beskrive
Hvordan i alverden skal jeg bære mig ad, med at yde mine ord?
Den mindste form for retfærdighed
Når du ikke befærder dernede
Hos os værtslige
Det så mærkeligt du døde
Men jeg ved du er der et sted
Jeg vil ha' du skal vide
Jeg har lagt hjernen i blød
For at ære dig for alt du betød
Balthasar, uden ledestjerne
Vi har en gud der tydeligvis
Forveksler det at lede verden, med verdens leder
Mit hjerte bløder men, jeg vil ikke være den lede så
Må lære med flid og presse det i min adfærd til side og
Huske mig selv på at du gav mig livet
Ville ikke være her, hvis ikke får dig
Et enkelt ord kan sige det hele — kærlighed
Jeg har prøvet at miste før
Men intet gjorde ligeså ondt, som det her gør
Engang var jeg din lille dreng, men nu jeg blevet større
Jeg åbenbart ikke stor nok til at vide, hvad jeg skal gøre
Jeg har prøvet at miste før
Men intet gjorde ligeså ondt, som det her gør
Engang var jeg din lille dreng, men nu jeg blevet større
Jeg åbenbart ikke stor nok til at vide, hvad jeg skal gøre
Mor
Kan huske hvordan jeg fik et chok
Ligeså snart jeg så den opspilede byld på din arm
Men du slå det hen med et håndvift
Løj for vores skyld, sagde det ikke var alvorligt
Holde det hemmeligt du var syg
En måned efter lå du indlagt på hospice
Og vi kom tit men, aldrig nok i min optik
Hvad jeg ikke ville opgiv
Blot for at vi kunne gøre det hele om igen
For selvom det var
Uudholdeligt at se, hvordan din krop gik fra sund til opslidt
Var smilet på din mund nok til at forblive optimist
Jeg savner dig mor
Og ved du ikke er langt derfra tror
Der er en kosmisk grund til du måtte skille fra vores jord
Ville ønske jeg bare kunne sige det hele, med én klar metafor
Men igen, det som om essensen forsvinder i takt med mine ord
Jeg har prøvet at miste før
Men intet gjorde ligeså ondt, som det her gør
Engang var jeg din lille dreng, men nu jeg blevet større
Jeg åbenbart ikke stor nok til at vide, hvad jeg skal gøre
Jeg har prøvet at miste før
Men intet gjorde ligeså ondt, som det her gør
Engang var jeg din lille dreng, men nu jeg blevet større
Jeg åbenbart ikke stor nok til at vide, hvad jeg skal gøre
Mor
Jeg kan stadig ikke forstå det
Hvordan jeg var en tikkende bombe
Klar til at springe det hele i luften
Men, formået at klippe min lunte af
Du en af de eneste grunde til
Jeg aldrig gik ned med mit flag
Men fløj med nye højder i mit sindelag
Og nu er vingerne åbne
Og hvis du er der i himlen, så råb det
Jeg er sikker på vi kan nå hinanden
For du er altid tættest på mig når stilheden er slående
Jeg drømmer om dig men, selv i det vågne
Er det som om du er her
Et nærvær florerer som partikler i rummene
Har lyst til at græde så meget jeg ta’r mit eget liv
Ved at drukne
Det så let at bare give slip på det hele, og fordufte
Men hvis du er her med mig, lige nu, så sig det er okay
Trøst mig som du altid har gjort, og bliv her bare et millisekund til
Jeg har prøvet at miste før
Men intet gjorde ligeså ondt, som det her gør
Engang var jeg din lille dreng, men nu jeg blevet større
Jeg åbenbart ikke stor nok til at vide, hvad jeg skal gøre
Jeg har prøvet at miste før
Men intet gjorde ligeså ondt, som det her gør
Engang var jeg din lille dreng, men nu jeg blevet større
Jeg åbenbart ikke stor nok til at vide, hvad jeg skal gøre
Mor
Jeg tror stadig ikke rigtig, jeg fatter hvad der gik galt
Og hvad der gjorde dig syg
Hvem fanden kan finde på at tage dig væk fra dine nye børnebørn?
Lille August og Julians latter er så livsbekræftende
Ironien er så syg at man ikke kan fat, at det passer
Vi elsker dig mor og tænker på dig dag og nat
Jeg håber du vil reinkarnere som min datter
Så jeg kan tag mig af dig
Danser elegant på spidsen af en klippekant
Parat til at springe dig i møde, for døden er så pisse interessant
Du har lært mig, man ikke skal stress
Det svare til at komme sit mindreværdskompleks ned i et timeglas
Lover jeg skal jeg nok slutte fred med min indre diskrepans
Vi ses en dag, men indtil da
Så vid du er mit et og alt

(translation)

Never has something so simple been so difficult to describe
How on earth am I supposed to deliver my words?
The smallest form of justice
When you're not driving down there
With us hosts
How strange you died
But I know you are there somewhere
I want you to know
I have put my brain to soft
To honor you for all you meant
Balthasar, without a guiding star
We have a god there clearly
Confusing leading the world with the leader of the world
My heart is bleeding but I don't want to be the sad one
Must learn with diligence and push it in my behavior aside and
Reminding myself that you gave me life
Would not be here if not get you
One single word can say it all — love
I've tried to lose before
But nothing hurt as much as this does
Once I was your little boy, but now I'm grown up
Obviously I'm not old enough to know what to do
I've tried to lose before
But nothing hurt as much as this does
Once I was your little boy, but now I'm grown up
Obviously I'm not old enough to know what to do
Mother
Remember how I got a shock
Just as soon as I saw the open boil on your arm
But you blow it away with a wave of your hand
Lied for our sake, said it wasn't serious
Keeping it a secret you were sick
A month later you were admitted to hospice
And we came often, but never enough in my opinion
What I wouldn't give up
Just so we could do it all over again
Because even though it was
Unbearable to see how your body went from healthy to worn out
Was the smile on your face enough to remain optimistic
I miss you, mom
And know you are not far from there think
There is a cosmic reason why you had to part from our earth
Wish I could just say it all, with one clear metaphor
But again, it's as if the essence is disappearing with my words
I've tried to lose before
But nothing hurt as much as this does
Once I was your little boy, but now I'm grown up
Obviously I'm not old enough to know what to do
I've tried to lose before
But nothing hurt as much as this does
Once I was your little boy, but now I'm grown up
Obviously I'm not old enough to know what to do
Mother
I still can't understand it
How I was a ticking time bomb
Ready to leap it all in the air
But, managed to cut my fuse
You one of the only reasons why
I never went down with my flag
But flew with new heights in my mind layer
And now the wings are open
And if you are there in heaven, shout it out
I'm sure we can reach each other
Because you are always closest to me when the silence is striking
I dream of you but, even in waking life
Is it as if you are here
A presence abounds as particles in the rooms
Feel like crying so much I take my own life
By drowning
It was so easy to just let it all go and evaporate
But if you're here with me, right now, say it's okay
Comfort me as you always have and stay here just one more millisecond
I've tried to lose before
But nothing hurt as much as this does
Once I was your little boy, but now I'm grown up
Obviously I'm not old enough to know what to do
I've tried to lose before
But nothing hurt as much as this does
Once I was your little boy, but now I'm grown up
Obviously I'm not old enough to know what to do
Mother
I still don't really think I understand what went wrong
And what made you sick
Who the hell can think of taking you away from your new grandkids?
Little August and Julian's laughter is so life-affirming
The irony is so sick that you can't grasp that it fits
We love you mom and think about you day and night
I hope you will reincarnate as my daughter
So I can take care of you
Dancing elegantly on the tip of a cliff edge
Ready to jump into your face, because death is so damn interesting
You taught me not to stress
The equivalent of getting one's inferiority complex down in an hour glass
I promise I will probably make peace with my inner discrepancy
See you one day, but until then
So know you are my one and all