| Thirteenth birthday
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| People come from far away
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| Aunts and uncles show up
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| I brush my fro up
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| Feeling skittish
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| People speaking Yiddish
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| Buy a three-piece suit and tie
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| Tailor’s hanging on my thigh
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| Practice for the whole year
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| Paralyzed with fear
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| Hebrew flashcards on my walls
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| Voice is changing, dropped my balls
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| Dad’s mad at the cost
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| Too bad Mom’s the boss
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| Grandmas are full of joy
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| For the Bar Mitzvah boy
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| (Bar Mitzvah boy)
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| Bar Mitzvah boy
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| (Bar Mitzvah boy)
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| Bar Mitzvah boy
|
| (Bar Mitzvah boy)
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| Bar Mitzvah boy
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| (Bar Mitzvah boy)
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| Okay, up on the podium
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| Staring out at everyone
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| Can’t remember how it goes
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| Whistle from my rabbi’s nose
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| Oh, man, this is it
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| Make up some crazy shit
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| Baruch atah, a cha-cha-cha
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| Everybody says, «Good job»
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| Now I’m done, sweet relief
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| Lipstick on Mama’s teeth
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| Catholic friends all ask me this
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| «What the fuck is a knish?»
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| Kids are all coming in
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| Checks and bonds and fountain pens
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| Make a bank deposit
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| Make out in the closet
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| He’s the Bar Mitzvah boy
|
| (Bar Mitzvah boy)
|
| Bar Mitzvah boy
|
| (Bar Mitzvah boy)
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| Bar Mitzvah boy
|
| (Bar Mitzvah boy)
|
| Bar Mitzvah boy
|
| (Bar Mitzvah boy)
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| The rabbi does the Electric Slide
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| Grandma’s ass is six feet wide
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| Party music never stops
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| All my friends drinking schnapps
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| Boys are short, girls are tall
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| Pass me the alcohol
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| Chug as much as I can
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| Vomit on the klezmer band
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| Mom and Dad yell at me
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| Disgrace my family
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| But I’m a man, so I don’t care
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| Got my first mustache hair
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| I’m the Bar Mitzvah boy
|
| (Bar Mitzvah boy)
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| Bar Mitzvah boy
|
| (Bar Mitzvah boy)
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| Bar Mitzvah boy
|
| (Bar Mitzvah boy)
|
| Bar Mitzvah boy
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| (Bar Mitzvah boy)
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| And it’s the best day of my life
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| Until three years later
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| When my parents stop making me go to temple
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| Very nice, ladies and gentlemen, thanks |