| I’ve been going out with a girl
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| Her name is Julie
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| But last night she said to me
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| When we were watching telly
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| (This is what she said)
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| She said listen John, I love you
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| But there’s this bloke, I fancy
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| I don’t want to two time you
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| So it’s the end for you and me
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| Who’s this bloke I asked her
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| Gordon, she replied
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| Not that puff, I said dismayed
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| Yes but he’s no puff she cried
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| (He's more of a man than you’ll ever be)
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| Here we go, two three four
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| I was so upset that I cried
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| All the way to the chip shop
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| When I came out there was Gordon
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| Standing at the bus stop
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| (And guess who was with him?
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| Yeah, Julie, and they were both laughing at me)
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| Oh, she is cruel and heartless
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| To pack me for Gordon
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| Just cos he’s better looking than me
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| Just cos he’s cool and trendy
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| But I know he’s a moron
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| Gordon is a moron
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| Gordon is a moron
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| Gordon is a moron
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| Here we go, two three four
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| He is a creep, she is a tart
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| He’s very cheap, she is a slut
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| He thinks he’s tough, she is a bitch
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| He is a puff
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| Yeah yeah, it’s not fair
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| Yeah yeah, it’s not fair
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| (I ought to smash his face in.)
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| (Yeah, but he’s bigger than me. In’t he?)
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| (I know, I’ll get my mate Barry to hit him. He’d flatten him)
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| (Oh but Barry’s a mate of Gordon’s in’e?)
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| (I don’t care)
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| I don’t care, I don’t care
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| Yeah yeah
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| Cause she’s a slag and he’s a creep
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| She is a tart, he’s very cheap
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| She is a slut, he thinks he’s tough
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| She is a bitch, he is a puff
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| Yeah yeah, yeah yeah
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| Yeah yeah, yeah yeah
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| Yeah yeah, yeah yeah |