| My wife used to say she couldn’t understand
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| Why I make my living working with my hands
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| She met a junk bond daddy and he broke up my home
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| He made his living on the telephone
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| Daddy spied my darling and he dialed her number then
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| They took off next morning and she won’t be back again
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| Now I may not be good looking and I never been to school
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| But I patched up my broken home using simple tools
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| Simple tools simple tools I like simple tools
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| I’m just a common ordinary workaday fool
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| I might not be the brightest bulb or the straightest rule
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| But I can mend my broken heart using simple tools
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| I can talk to girls in bars maybe a few
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| We’d drink a little glass of wine or maybe two
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| I might wake up in Gay Paree or good old San Berdoo
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| The gals appreciate a man that uses simple tools
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| I won’t be walking 'round all night wonderin' what to do
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| I won’t be calling up the morgue askin' for you
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| Or beating down these memories with one of your old shoes
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| I can do the job in half the time' 'cause I use simple tools
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| Simple tools simple tools I like simple tools
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| I’m just a common ordinary workaday fool
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| I might not be the brightest bulb or the straightest rule
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| But I can do the job in half the time and it stays done when I use simple tools |