Lyrics There Must Be a Pill for This - Ray Stevens

There Must Be a Pill for This

I was sittin' in a bathtub in the middle of the woods
When I looked over to see a beautiful woman in another bathtub Sittin' right
next to me
As our hands reached out and our fingers met I said to myself, Hey self,
I’ll bet
Right here is something I don’t went to miss And I’ll bet there’s a pill for
this
Oh there must be a pill for those times When you want to feel fully alive
But you’re not quite sure if you’re up to the job When that moment does arrive
But I’ve been told time and again That misery can turn to bliss
Whatever ill is ailing you Well, there’s gotta be a pill for this
If your heart can’t beat or your eyes can’t see Or your ears can’t hear and
your mind ain’t free
If your nose is runny and your lips can’t kiss There must be a pill for this
You have trouble eating or gaining weight Wake up too early or sleep too late
If there’s temptation you need to resist There’s gotta be a pill for this
If you lose your hair, or lose your keys Or your legs are shaky and you need
new knees
Ask anyone and they’ll insist There’s a pill for this
If you can’t go or you go too much Can’t catch your breath or you’ve lost your
touch
If your mind is foggy and you’re in a mist There’s a pill for this
If you’re in a crowd when the big urge hits Or your back or your front is
givin' you fits
There’s a guaranteed solution so don’t be remiss There’s always a pill for this
And if your Vevo-Valveetas have a fever And you’re swollen up and there’s no
relief for
Your bones that have grown so your clothes don’t fit Well there’s a pill for
this
Oh there’s a pill to cure any woe They’ll speed you up fast or slow you down
slow
If you’re out of control and you’re in a mess Well, there’s a pill for this
Yes, friends, there’s a pill for everything but you must be informed that there
are possible
Side effects that may include fever, blisters, headaches, insomnia, lethargy,
geography,
Algebra, diabetes, heart attacks, gangrene, terrorist attacks, rattlesnake bite,
voting
Irregularities, constipation, aggravation, a burning sensation, a troubled
nation, a bad
Vacation, precipitation or the lack thereof.
Well there’s bad news but the good news is
That whatever’s on your list
You can turn misery into bliss
Cause there’s a pill for this
Now, was there water in them bathtubs?
I didn’t see no soap or towels.
And how about
A bath mat.
I don’t want to get out of a tub in the middle of the woods in my
bare feet.
And what about a sink to shave and brush your teeth?
I didn’t see any of those
and you
Can’t just take a pill — you’ve got to shave too!
And where does she plug in
her hair dryer?
A woman ain’t gonna get out of a bath tub without a hair dryer.
And where’s the
spigots
In case I need some more hot water.
I don’t like sittin' around in a tub of
cold water.
And wouldn’t cold water offset the effects of that pill they’re talking about?
— Huh?
Let me tell you something.
I don’t know who comes up with these things but they need
To use a little more common sense!
They need to have a little more practical experience!
You know what I’m sayin'?
Huh?
Huh?