Lyrics The Ballad Of The Blue Cyclone (The End?) - Ray Stevens

The Ballad Of The Blue Cyclone (The End?)

Well my wife went out of town 'bout a year or so back
And left me at home by myself to batch
And after five straight nights of TV I was ready to scream
So I called up this beer drinkin' buddy of mine
And said, «Bill, I ain’t havin' a real good time.»
He said, «Why don’t we go to the wrasslin' matches and let off
A little steam?»
Now I’d never seen the matches before
And by the time we reached that arena door
The crowd was already backed up plumb out into the street
Yeah, people were pushin' and shovin' like cattle
Just gettin' in line was a heck of a battle
We had to fight like the devil, but we finally got ring-side seats
Well, we bought a program as we passed through the door
Went to section D, seats 3 and 4
And about that time, the announcer stepped into the ring
He said, «Tonight's the greatest card ever been signed
We got a tag-team match that’ll blow yer mind!»
Then they lowered the lights and the crowd began to scream
He introduced the Spider from parts unknown
With his trusty partner, The Blue Cyclone
They were takin' on a team that never had been beat
Then the ref checked 'em over and the rules were explained
And somebody hollered, «THE SPIDER’S GOT A CHAIN!!»
Then some old lady with blue hair fell right out of her seat
Well they rang the bell and all Hell broke loose
My legs was shakin' like a rubber goose
I’d never seen anything like this, not even in the war!
The Cyclone put the Vulture in an airplane spin
Then he body slammed him, and then he did it again
I swear I didn’t see how that 'ol boy could take much more
It was right about then in the thick of things
That my buddy Bill threw a chair in the ring
And I knew we’d better be headin' for the door
'Cause I saw the Cyclone lookin' at us
And he was rubbin' his head and he’s startin' to cuss
And I knew if he caught us he’d break Bill’s neck for sure
Well, where we parked wasn’t too far
And Bill ran so fast he beat me to the car
Locked the doors and wasn’t about to let anyone in
And I turned around and the Cyclone was there
And he said, «Hey punk, you forgot your chair!»
And by the look in his eyes, I knew that this was the end
Then he body slammed me two or three times
And he put his arms around me from behind
Then he pile-drived me right there in the hard concrete
Broke both my arms and three of my ribs
It’s the closest I’ve ever come to being killed
And that’s the last thing I remember 'fore he put me to sleep
Blue Cyclone
He’s the meanest rascal the ring has ever known
He’ll make you groan, he’ll make you moan
He’ll lay you prone and break your bones
Blue Cyclone…
I woke up in a hospital bed
Stars a-circlin' around my head
And a plaster cast on just about every bone
But the doctor said I’d be just fine
«These things just take a little time…»
And three weeks later, he let me go back home
But I laid in bed three weeks just thinkin'
«I believe I coulda took him if I hadn’t been drinkin'
So the next time we meet, I won’t be on no binge
«Cause I hadn’t been the same since we had that fight
And I’d see that Cyclone in my dreams at night
And I won’t be satisfied 'til I get revenge…»
Well, the first thing my wife said when I got home
Was, «You'd better leave that Cyclone alone»
She said, «You might not be so lucky next time.»
So, I says to her, «Beg your pardon, ma’am
But it wasn’t YOU who got the body slam,»
Then I changed the subject, 'cause I done made up my mind
Then I called up Bill and told him my plan
And all he said was, «Right on, man!
I’d do the same durn thing if it’d been me
It all happened so quick when that car door slammed
It musta broke something, 'cause the door locks jammed
You was already down, he’s gone time I got free."
Bill said, «Since yer thinkin' 'bout takin' him again
I know two ol' boys who weigh 210
They’d wade through hell just to fight a circle saw
They both lift weights, so you know they’re mean
And the four of us would make a heck of a team
We might not win, but we’d durn-sure fight to a draw."
Well, we talked it over, they said they’s willin'
They’d stop at nothing, short of killin'
Said «Hoss, we’ll back you as long as you wanna fight.»
So I checked around at a few of the bars
And found out where all the wrasslin' stars
Hung out after the matches every Wednesday night
Well, I got there early the following week
And found me a table where I could see the street
And waited for the Blue Cyclone to hit the door
Well, after a while, he finally appeared
Sat down at the bar, and ordered a beer
And he barely took a sip 'fore I stepped to the middle of the floor
I yelled, «Hey Cyclone!
Remember me?
I’m the guy you put to sleep
Only this time, you can see I’m not alone.
Ha ha
You see them two big dudes over there?"
The Cyclone looked and said, «Over where?»
And I turned around, and I’m a son of a gun, they was gone!
Then the Cyclone looked at me and grinned
And he said, «Okay punk, here we go again
It seems to me that some guys never learn.»
And then he waded through them tables and chairs
Put a full-nelson on me, and grabbed my hair
And when he threw me to the floor, I was starting to get concerned
Then came a birrage of judo chops
And I was beggin' somebody to call the cops
Before the Cyclone could commit a mortal crime
I sure breathed a sigh of relief
When I heard them ambulance sirens scream
'Cause I’d be dead now, if they hadn’t gotten there on time
The next thing I remember, they was carryin' me in
And the doctor said, «Oh no, you again?»
I said, «Doctor, how long you thing it’ll be this time?»
He said, «Boy, if you don’t leave that Cyclone alone
One of these days, you ain’t goin' home!
You’ll need the undertaker’s services, not mine.»
Blue Cyclone
He’s the meanest rascal the ring has ever known
He’ll make you groan, he’ll make you moan
He’ll lay you prone and break your bones
Blue Cyclone
The Blue Cyclone