Lyrics Smokey Mountain Rattlesnake Retreat - Ray Stevens

Smokey Mountain Rattlesnake Retreat

Well me and Doris went on vacation\nWe decided we needed more than recreation\nSo we enrolled in a Bible camp retreat\nI got the directions and we took off\nIt only took six hours to get completely lost\nWay back up in the mountains of east Tennessee\nWell it was getting real dark and I was starting to fret\nDoris said, look yonder bet that’s it\nShe pointed to the lights to this little church way back in the bush\nAn old man met us, I said just two\nHe escorted us down to the very first pew\nI said Doris I don’t think this is the right place, she just said hush\nWell they preached some sermons and sang some songs\nThen they preached some more and went on and on\nNearly wore me out I’d had about all I could take\nThen they pulled down the shades and things quieted down\nThis guy next to me punched me said, here pass this down\nI turned to look and son of a gun he handed me a snake\nOh the night that me and Doris\nWent running through the forest\nWay back up in the hills of Tennessee\nYeah we started making tracks\nWhen they broke out that diamond back\nIt scared the devil out of poor old Doris and me\nHe said take it man don’t you believe\nI said I believe all right I believe I’ll leave\nAnd I reached for Doris but she done fainted away white as a sheet\nNow I couldn’t pick her up, and I couldn’t find the door\nAnd them rattlers were crawling all around the floor\nAnd friends that’s when the spirit hit my feet\nI started running down the aisles and bouncing off the walls\nLike somebody teed off a new golf ball\nIn a tiled bathroom friends I mean I was moving on\nI’d run past Doris every minute or two\nTrying to shake her awake her but it wasn’t no use\nFor a while there I thought the Lord had called the poor thing home\nThen somebody dropped a big one in her lap\nDoris come too and something in her snapped\nShe grabbed that thing by the tail, commenced swinging it around her head\nThen she gave it a crack like LashLaRue\nThe head came off and sailed across the room\nThen she did a tap dance on the rest of them suckers till they was all dead\nWell I grabbed her by the hand and we headed for the car\nWhen she hollered to the preacher, I don’t know who you are\nOr where you came from or how you ever learn how to preach\nBut let me tell you something you old raggedy cat\nYou don’t know nothing about running a Bible Camp\nAnd me and my husband are on our way to Daytona Beach\nOh the night that me and Doris\nWent running through the forest\nWay back up in the hills of Tennessee\nYeah we started making tracks\nWhen they broke out that diamond back\nIt sure scared the devil out of poor old Doris and me\nOh the night that me and Doris\nWent running through the forest\nWay back up in the hills of Tennessee\nYeah we started making tracks\nWhen they broke out that diamond back\nIt sure scared the devil out of poor old Doris and me