| I still haven’t found a girlfriend
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| Though I’ve tried a lot
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| So can you help me please
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| It’s tougher than I thought
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| The odds are pretty good
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| But the goods are pretty odd
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| Still at this point I’d take anything you’ve got
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| You see this all the time
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| Nice girls in love with jerks
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| What could they be thinking
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| Tell me how it works
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| If I’ve got some problems
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| Well I wouldn’t be the first
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| But the ones I have in mind are even worse
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| And even Hitler had a girlfriend
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| Who he could always call
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| Who’d always be there for him
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| In spite of all his faults
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| He was the worst guy ever
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| Reviled and despised
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| Even Hitler had a girlfriend so why can’t I?
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| Why can’t I?
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| Life is full of contradictions
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| Hard to understand
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| And for every happy woman
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| There’s a lonely man
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| Nixon had his puppy
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| Charles Manson had his clan
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| But God forbid that I get a girlfriend
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| Even Hitler had a girlfriend
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| Who he could call his own
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| To sweeten days of bitterness
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| And feeling all alone
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| I’m not as bad as Hitler
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| But it doesn’t mean a thing
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| Since they’d rather be with Hitler more than me
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| I don’t see why they’d rather be with Hitler more than me |