| I’d like to welcome all you suckers to struggleville
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| Say ahh, open up and take this pill
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| You’ll sit down in your cubicle
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| And eat when we tell you to and when your services are not needed here anymore
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| you’ll clean out your desk by noon
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| And no talking to the new kid
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| Security will see you all the way to the door
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| It’s like a prison but we pay you more
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| So you owe us more just lock your doors and feel real safe inside
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| Your house is no longer a good place to hide
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| Hey, there’s no more corner office
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| Or golfing with the bosses
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| You have a wife and kids to tell
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| That you got axed today and you lost your 401k
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| You wear your necktie noose so well
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| And you march just like a natural (you're natural)
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| You are just what we’re looking for
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| You’re perfect in every single way
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| So come and join our little army
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| Of high class, beautiful, intelligent, talented, well-adjusted, clean, listeners
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| Have you got a headache, cold, or aneurism
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| Working on a heart attack, with bad vision
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| Back hurts, can’t breathe right, afraid to fall
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| Arthritis, hemorrhoids, high cholesterol
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| Embarrassed by your bad skin not good with the ladies
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| Don’t quite fit in. too fat, too skinny, way too tall
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| Bring all your problems, because this will cure them all
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| This will cure em all, this might cure some of them
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| It’s ok, you’re not a loser, you’ve just lost
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| You’ll get used to second best when considering the cost
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| You have to be born first, learn, and grow up fast
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| Work hard, love, and then come in last, and then
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| Work harder, for someone else’s dollar
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| And at the end of the day all you can do is borrow
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| Plastic saves lives when it’s a hard hat people
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| It’s a mad world already, you’re not making it easier
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| We’ve got the cure, we made the medicine, we have your answer
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| It’ll give you a headache, but it will fight all your cancers
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| So, take two of these and call me every hour
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| There will be some internal bleeding, so just don’t shower
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| If you’re invisible or feeling miserable this is what you need
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| If you feel the need to breathe and just can’t quite succeed
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| You are the target audience indeed
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| First off, you have to listen really, really well
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| Try and discern what it is we have to sell
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| Just some smoke and mirrors with good looking people all around you
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| The way you do it is wrong, i’m glad we found you
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| Bait and switch, caveat emptor, fine print, fine print
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| So sign right here and everything else will be sent to
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| Your house in 12−16 weeks and depending on the postal service it might take a
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| few more weeks
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| Don’t worry we do this all the time
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| We’re professionals, just make sure you read the sign
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| Have you got a headache, cold, or aneurism
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| Working on a heart attack, with bad vision
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| Back hurts, can’t breathe right, afraid to fall
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| Arthritis, hemorrhoids, high cholesterol
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| This will cure it all
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| This will cure it all
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| This will cure it all
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| But just keep your reciept
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| There are no returns, or refunds
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| And I’ll repeat
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| This will cure anything
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| Just remember that
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| Just remember that
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| Just remember that
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| Just remember that
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| Just belive that |