Lyrics Betty and Me - Jonathan Coulton

Betty and Me

I guess I was skeptical when I first met Dr. Martin
He said we could build a baby out of DNA
And although it was expensive it was legal in the states where it wasn’t banned
It was Betty who suggested that we skip the parts of me that she can’t stand
So we made an appointment and Betty went alone
They worked out the details and then called me on the phone
To say congratulations Dad
Now things are getting better for Betty and me
We’re making us a baby that’s just like me only better
And Betty says he’ll be taller
And Betty says he’ll be smarter
And Betty says that our baby will be better than me
Betty was pretty firm about our baby being human
I said we should give him wings and nice prehensile tail
He could travel with the circus making money, making friends with clowns
Betty said that’s stupid and for God’s sake would you turn that TV down?
Now I’ve seen Betty happy, but she’s never been like this
She glows like someone’s girlfriend in the middle of a kiss
And I’m excited too
Cause things are getting better for Betty and me
We’re making us a baby that’s just like me only better
And Betty says he’ll be taller
And Betty says he’ll be smarter
And Betty says that our baby will be better than me
And the love inside me thunders like a storm
And I hope the tube they keep him in is comfortable and warm
I hope the nutritive solution that they’re feeding him doesn’t make him fat
Betty’s been spending lots of time out late with Dr. Martin
She says that they’re working on the baby every night
And Dr. Martin brings her presents like new underwear and a bottle of wine
I’ll just keep on writing checks until the day that baby is mine
He might have my moustache or my freckles or my eyes
Betty thinks it’s better if we keep it a surprise
I hope I find out soon
Cause things are getting better for Betty and me
We’re making us a baby that’s just like me only better
And Betty says he’ll be taller
And Betty says he’ll be smarter
And Betty says that our baby will be better than
Baby will be better than
Baby will be better than me