| «Let's meet contestant number one
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| He’s a schizophrenic serial killer clown
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| Who says, „women love his sexy smile“
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| Let’s find out if his charm will work on Sharon
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| Sharon, what’s your question?»
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| «Contestant number one
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| I believe first impressions last forever
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| So let’s say you were to come over to my parent’s house
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| And have dinner with me and my family
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| Tell me what you would do to make
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| That first impression really stick»
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| Let’s see, uh, well, I’d have to think about it
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| I might show up in a tux, HA!, but I doubt it
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| I’d probably just show up naked like I always do
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| And look your momma in the eye and tell her, «FUCK YOU!!!»
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| Hurry up bitch, I’m hungry, I smell spaghetti
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| I’d pinch her loopy ass and tell her, «Get the food ready!»
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| Your dad will probably start tripping and get me pissed
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| I’d have to walk up and bust him in his fucking lips!
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| It’s dinner time, we hearing grace from your mother
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| I pull a forty out and pour some for your little brother
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| I’m steady staring at your sister, I’ll tell you this
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| You know for only 13, she got some big tits
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| After that, your dad will try to jump again
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| And only this time, I’d put the forty to his chin
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| After you mom does the dishes and the silverware
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| I’d dry-fuck her till I nut in my underwear
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| «Now, let’s meet contestant number two
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| He’s a psychopathic, deranged, crackhead freak
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| Who works for the Dark Carnival
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| He says women call him stretch nuts
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| Sharon, let’s hear your question»
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| «I like a man who’s not afraid to show his true emotions
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| A man who expresses himself in his own special way
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| Number two, if you fell in love with me
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| Exactly how would you let me know?»
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| First thing, I could never love you
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| You sound like a richie-bitch, yo, FUCK YOU!!!
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| But if I did, I’d probably show you that I care
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| By taking all these other motherfuckers outta here
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| I’d go through your phone book and whack em all
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| And find contestant number one and break his fucking jaw (what?!)
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| Anyone who looked at you, would have to pay
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| I’d be blowing fucking nuggets off all day
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| I’d grab your titties and stretch em down past your waist
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| Let em go, and watch em both spring up in your face
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| I’d sing love songs to you, the best I can
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| Get you naked, and hit it like a CAVEMAN!!!
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| When we go to the beach and walk through the sand
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| I throw a little in your face and say, I’m just playin
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| As you spit it all out, I’d rub your back
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| And grab your underwear and wedge it up your ass crack!
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| «Well it sounds like contestant number two
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| Is just over-flowing with sensitivity, Sharon
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| It’s a tough choice so far!
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| Sharon, let’s have your last question and
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| See which one is going to win the rights to your neden»
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| «Okay, if we were at a dance club, and you both noticed me at the
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| Same time. |
| Tell me, how would you each get my attention, and what would
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| Your pick up line be? |
| Well, whoever’s the smoothest wins!»
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| Okay, first I’d slide up to the bar
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| And tell you that I can’t believe how fucking fat you are
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| I’d tell that I like the way you make your titties shake
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| And if you lost a little weight, you’d look like Ricki Lake!
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| Fuck that, you’d be jocking me quick
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| I’d order you a drink and stir it with my dick
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| And then to get your attention in the crowded place
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| I’d simply walk up and stick my nuts in your face
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| Yeah, freak with your nuts, yo, that’ll get her
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| Tell her that’s she fat, yeah, that’ll work even better
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| Look, fuck you, I got a strong rap
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| Shit, you don’t want contestant number two. |
| He’s mad wack
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| I walk into a barn and there he was
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| Standing up on a bucket, eww, trying to fuck it
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| It was a big fucking smelly-ass farm llama
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| Damn dawg! |
| How you gonna diss your momma?! |