Lyrics Good Ideas - George Carlin

Good Ideas

I got strange ideas anyways.
You know what I think they ought to do with those Miss America
contest?
I think they ought to keep making the losers come back until they win.
Huh?
I'll tell you,
that would get a little spooky after about thirty five years or so huh?
"I just want to work on
world peace." "Fine, sit down before you fall down, will you?
And pick up all these goddam
batons."
I got a lot of ideas.
You know what I think?
I think Kleenex ought to have little targets on them.
Wouldn't that be a good idea?
Little bulls-eyes right in the middle of the Kleenex.
Make it kind of
sporty when you're with you friends.
KKKkkkkoooott!
Look Dave, an 85!
Huh?
That's a good idea.
I got a lot of good ideas.
Trouble is most of them suck.
I got a lot of good ideas for new products
like that.
That's what I think about on my off-duty hours.
Things we need.
Products we ought to
have that we don't have.
You know what we ought to have?
We ought to have a diet salad
dressing called 500 islands.
See, good goddam ideas like that.
Eh?
A Christian deodorant ,"thou
shalt not smell". How about a feminine hygiene spray called "Sprunt"? Huh? Well, you'd never
forget the name, would you?
It would always be right on the tip of your tongue.
See?
Marketing,
marketing, that's where I belong.
Among other places.
Marketing.
Here's an idea I got.
This is a
yo-yo with a 2000 foot string.
You use it when you visit the grand canyon.
See, I'm a visionary.
I'm
ahead of my time.
Trouble is, I'm only about an hour and a half ahead.
Here's a good idea.
A light
bulb that only shines on things worth looking at.
Yeah, too idealistic.
Never make any money on
a thing like that.
Here's something that's going to make a fortune.
Get in on this.
This is a roach
spray.
It doesn't kill the roaches, but it fills them with self doubt as to whether or not they're in
the right house.
Here's something I'm trying to interest the Japanese electronics firms in this.
This would be a great product for Sony.
This is a combination cassette player and colostimy bag.
It's called "Shitman"!
Huh?
Sure.
Well you'd never see that.
You'd never see that.