| I was living on the hill
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| By the water tower and hiking trails
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| And when the big one hit I’d have a seat
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| To watch masters abandon their dogs and dogs run free
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| Oh baby, it’s time to leave
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| Take the van and the hearse down to New Orleans
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| Leave under the gaze of the billboard queens
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| Five-foot chicks with parted lips selling sweatshop jeans
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| These L.A. phonies and their bullshit bands
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| That sound like dollar signs and Amy Grant
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| So reads the pull quote from my last cover piece
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| Entitled «The Oldest Man in Folk Rock Speaks»
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| You can hear it all over the airwaves
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| The manufactured gasp of the final days
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| Someone should tell them ‘bout the time that they don’t have
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| To praise the glorious future and the hopeless past
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| A few things the songwriter needs
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| Arrows of love, a mask of tragedy
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| But if you want ecstasy or birth control
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| Just run the tap until the water’s cold
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| Anything else you can get online
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| A creation myth or a .45
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| You’re going to need one or the other to survive
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| Where only the armed or the funny make it out alive
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| Mara taunts me 'neath the tree
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| She’s like, «Oh great, that’s just what we all need
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| Another white guy in 2017
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| Who takes himself so goddamn seriously.»
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| She’s not far off, the strange thing is
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| That’s pretty much what I thought when I started this
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| It took me my whole life to learn to play the G
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| But the role of Oedipus was a total breeze
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| Still I dreamt of garnering all rave reviews
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| Just believably a little north of God’s own truth
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| «He's a national treasure now, and here’s the proof
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| In the form of his major label debut»
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| A little less human with each release
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| Closing the gap between the mask and me
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| I swear I’ll never do this, but is it okay?
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| Don’t want to be that guy but it’s my birthday
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| If everything ends with a photo then I’m on my way
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| Oh-hoh, oh-hoh, oh-hoh, oh-hoh
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| I watched my old gods all collapse
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| Were way more violent than my cartoon past
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| It’s like my father said before he croaked:
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| «Son, you’re killing me, and that’s all folks.»
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| So why is it I’m so distraught
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| That what I’m selling is getting bought?
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| At some point you just can’t control
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| What people use your fake name for
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| So I never learned to play the lead guitar
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| I always more preferred the speaking parts
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| Besides there’s always someone willing to
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| Fill up the spaces that I couldn’t use
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| Nonetheless, I’ve been practicing my whole life
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| Washing dishes, playing drums, and getting by
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| Until I figured, if I’m here then I just might
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| Conceal my lack of skill here in the spotlight
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| Maya, the mother of illusions, a beard, and I
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| 2000 years or so since Ovid taught
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| Night-blooming, teenage rosebuds, dirty talk
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| And I’m merely a minor fascination to
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| Manic virginal lust and college dudes
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| I’m beginning to begin to see the end
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| Of how it all goes down between me and them
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| Some 10-verse chorus-less diatribe
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| Plays as they all jump ship, «I used to like this guy
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| This new shit really kinda makes me wanna die»
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| Oh-hoh, oh-hoh, oh-hoh, oh-hoh
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| My first memory of music’s from
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| The time at JCPenney’s with my mom
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| The watermelon candy I was choking on
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| Barbara screaming, «Someone help my son!»
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| I relive it most times the radio’s on
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| That «tell me lies, sweet little white lies» song
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| That’s when I first saw the comedy won’t stop for
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| Even little boys dying in department stores
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| So we leave town in total silence
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| New Year’s Day, it’s 6 o’clock AM
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| I’ve never seen Sunset this abandoned
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| Reminds me predictably of the world’s end
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| It’ll be good to get more space
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| God knows what all these suckers paid
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| I can stop drinking and you can write your script
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| But what we both think now is… |